Global Waiting

Last year, Congress passed a measure calling for better gas mileage by the year 2020.

Last week, the G-8 proposed reducing global gas emissions by the year 2050.

I'm making some major announcements, too.

I will be coming to work on time (starting in 2010). I will clean up my garage (by 2015).

I will learn another language (by 2020).

I will sort out my finances (by 2022 ½—Hello Social Security check)!

I will double the amount I exercise (starting in 2025).

I will cut fatty foods in my diet by 50 percent (no later than 2030).

I will swear off "Chips Ahoy" completely (by 2035).

I will significantly increase the time I spend with my kids (by 2040).

I will call my mother more frequently (by 2045—Happy 110th Birthday, Mom)!

Let's hold a huge round of applause (til 2050).

Ivan Held works in book publishing in New York.