Get Your Feet Off That Damn White House Couch, Kellyanne Conway

Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images
Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images

No-Comb Conway continues to dance off-beat all over my last nerve.

It’s not enough that the Mistress of Propaganda has not been benched despite recent reports and my personal pleas to Black Jesus, but now this liar who helped make her con artist client president of the United States continues to show her utter disregard for basic decency. To some people, the picture of Kellyanne Conway’s feet on the White House couch is much ado about nothing. Those folks don’t have home training.


When you are working in the White House, you don’t kick off your shoes and relax your feet and sit on that couch like you’re about to party on down to the Xscape beat. Or, I guess if you’re working in this administration, some sort of dance remix to a Hitler speech. Whatever; you get it.

I know, I know. I’m Southern, or country as hell, as some in my life would say. I still say, “Yes, ma’am” to Girl Scouts and “No, sir” to li’l kids trying to sell me diabetes on the 2 train to fund some mysterious after-school program. Maybe that’s too formal to some, but we should all agree that with respect to professional decorum, Conway could stand to do better, given the setting.

Conway is on her phone, probably looking at pro-life jackasses harassing people at a Planned Parenthood on Snapchat for an evil person’s pick-me-up, with her feet tucked under her thighs on the couch like she hasn’t a care in the world. Meanwhile, Sweet Potato Saddam is in a meeting with the heads of presidents of various HBCUs. Conway can’t at least pretend to give a decimeter of a damn in their presence?

The image of those grinning black men with that orange, racist sum’bitch is unsettling enough. However, when you couple that with Conway, a little red Corvette of bullshit, it’s even more upsetting. Like, sis, act like you know where you are.

While I do agree with the crux of what Jezebel’s Rachel Vorona Cote says in “Did You at Least Remove Your Shoes, Kellyanne?,” I don’t want her shoes off. That woman spouts nothing but feces each and every day on the job. And she walks around the same space as Stephen Bannon. Febreze can only do so much to remove the stench of such a white supremacist fuckboy.

Speaking of white nationalists, white supremacists, “alt-right” members and any other nouveau descriptor that loosely translates to “melanin-lacking racist asshole,” you never, ever saw President Barack Obama’s staff members with their feet on the White House couch. You can say what you want about us, but at least the best of us always act like we’ve been somewhere.


I’m sure by the end of this sentence, Conway will do something else to annoy me. Still, in this moment, I just want to say, these people have no right being in that White House, and whenever an opportunity presents itself, they show us why they don’t have the range. I hate them. And I hope that couch has bedbugs.


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