If you are an unvaccinated NBA Player, I want you to think about one thing and one thing only: Texas Sen. Ted “I left my constituents freezing while I took my family to Cancun” Cruz stands with you.
That’s right: Kyrie Irving, Andrew Wiggins, Bradley Beal and Jonathan Isaac, Fat Wolverine is on your side.
Suggested Reading
Want to know some other things Ted Cruz agrees with?
He’s all for the Dollar Tree raising their prices. He opposes a higher minimum wage. He was a fan of light-skinned Aunt Viv. He was against Obamacare, and is still against same-sex marriage, and the legalization of marijuana. He hates immigrants, working out and Black people.
And now he’s aligned with NBA players who are painfully misinformed about the vaccine and COVID-19 in general. Sadly, one of these players is Bradley Beal, from my woeful Washington Basketball Team––I know that they have a non-offensive team name, but who are we kidding? This team hasn’t been respectable in years.
Just listen to this poppycock being spewed by Beal:
What’s most amazing about this painfully ignorant position is that Beal actually thought he was handling shit. Like he really thought he was going to smug his way through this hotep-ass explanation like he wasn’t sounding like an uniformed Pootie Tang. I mean you can’t lie, he was smooth with it. Reminds me a bit of myself after I stayed out past the street lights coming on.
But back to Fat Wolverine’s comments on the NBA. After several people on Twitter noted that Cruz’s ass was fully vaccinated, they also pointed out that the gaslighting senator had the audacity to hashtag his tweet with the battle cry from woman who believe (rightfully) that the government needs to stay the fuck away from their bodies. See, Cruz is a Texas senator and Texas has banned abortions at six weeks––I know you knew this but I had to point it out. So of course famous people and Twitter famous people had to call the senator on his shit.
From the Independent:
Film director and comedian Judd Apatow shot back: “So you believe in choice now? Are you going to fight for that? Oh, not for women. Got it.”
Former American football player turned broadcaster George Wrighster III said: “Keep this same #YourBodyYourChoice energy when it comes to women’s bodies.”
Comedy host Samantha Bee, music producer Thelonious Martin, former footballer Shannon Sharpe, and numerous other Twitter users joined the attack, as did Democratic activists such as Nancy Pelosi’s daughter Christine Pelosi and social media influencer Majid Padellan, known as Brooklyn Dad Defiant.
“Ted Cruz is pro-choice?” asked Ms Bee sarcastically. “When you and this dude are on the same side, please rethink your position,” said MSNBC host Tiffany D Cross.
I don’t think this is a hard thing to figure out as you basically live your whole life righteously by asking yourself one question. “What would Ted Cruz do?” And like Jesus does everyday, just do the opposite of that.
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.