Fox News Finally Admits It’s Not News

Illustration for article titled Fox News Finally Admits It’s Not News
Photo: Ethan Miller (Getty Images)

We’ve seen it before.

Everyone has had two friends who the rest of the crew knew were fucking but pretended that they were just friends. They’d laugh a little too hard at each other’s jokes or you’d catch them exchanging long glances. They swore they were just friends. Then one night, overcome by lust, you catch them naked in a broom closet.


Or at a Trump rally.

Fox News finally admitted that its heart and integrity belonged to the president of people peeing their pants about a Mexican caravan after Trump called up hosts from his YouTube channel (commonly called Fox News) and demanded that they fellate him in front of an enthusiastic audience of voyeurs.

On Monday, Fox News hosts Sean Hannity, who just happened to share the same lawyer with President Trump, and Trump’s favorite judge not named Brett Kavanaugh, Jeanine Pirro, dropped the thin mesh tank top of journalistic integrity they had left and joined Trump onstage during his final campaign rally of the midterms.

Hannity’s involvement comes after he swore that the Trump campaign had it all wrong when he was listed as a special guests.

“To be clear, I will not be on stage campaigning with the president,” Hannity tweeted Monday morning, adding that he would simply “be doing a live show” from the scene, CNN reports.

And then guess who hopped on stage on stumped for Republicans...Yep, you’ve guessed it. Sean Hannity.


But here’s the funniest part in this whole tragically sad ordeal—Trump tried to act like pulling Hannity on stage was a spur of the moment thing.

“I have a few people that are right out here, and they’re very special,” Trump said, teasing their appearances. “They’ve done an incredible job for us. They’ve been with us from the beginning, also,” The Hill reports.


An incredible job for “us”...they aren’t even trying to hide it anymore.

Hannity took the stage and proceeded to do the whole other outlets are “fake news” thing, and then spouted the president’s lying-ass mantra of “promises made, promises kept.”


Trump spoke with Hannity before the real vice president of the United States took the stage and yes, this does appear like some quid-pro-quo shit.

Like a boy with a crush, Hannity claimed that Trump’s traveling schedule didn’t allow for him to see his opening monologue to which Trump replied: “I saw it on the plane. I never miss your opening monologue. I would never do that.”


How is any of this remotely legal. This really feels like some Russia oligarchy state sponsored news shit.

Because all of these people are in a full on open relationship of collusion and Russian urine, Hannity straight high-fived “White House communications director and former Fox News executive Bill Shine, who was observing the event from the wings of the arena,” The Hill reports.


Trump then introduced his “friend” as “Justice Jeanine.”

“If you like the America that [Trump] is making now, you’ve got to make sure you get out there tomorrow if you haven’t voted yet,” Justice Jeanine, told the crowd.


All of this comes after news that last month Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade mistakenly donated roughly $600 to the Trump campaign. Who among us hasn’t accidentally donated money? Every time I’m on a diet I accidentally donate money to Domino’s.

This same behavior got MSNBC host Keith Olbermann suspended in 2010 for donating to Democratic candidates.


At least we can finally stop pretending that there are two equal journalistic sides. A news organization that actively campaigns for a president without any pretense is not a news organization. It’s the marketing team for the Republican Party. It’s the engine of the conservative propaganda machine.

But don’t worry guys, Fox News is handling it. According to a tweet from a Fox News spokesperson the issue has been addressed.


Rumor has that the punishment includes Justice Janine no longer being allowed to wear her MAGA pajamas and Hannity can no longer wear his necklace made from Trump’s pubes during his broadcast.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Nunna Yorz - American Justice Is A Joke

“At least we can finally stop pretending that there are two equal journalistic sides. A news organization that actively campaigns for a president without any pretense is not a news organization.

You’re preaching to the choir here. We Root readers and people with common sense already know that Fox News isn’t news. The bigger problem is the other media outlets are still going to take them seriously, plus Fox will never face any kind of accountability for their lies and violations. I don’t even know who would hold them accountable. Certainly not the Net Neutrality-breaking, Arjit Pai-ran FCC.