Former National Security Adviser John Bolton to Go Full Tekashi 6ix9ine, Says He’s Ready to Testify

U.S. National Security Advisor John Bolton (L), Sept. 30, 2019 in Washington, D.C.
U.S. National Security Advisor John Bolton (L), Sept. 30, 2019 in Washington, D.C.
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

In what can only be described as the biggest switch since The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air replaced dark-skinned Aunt Viv with light-skinned Aunt Viv and acted like nothing happened, former national security adviser John Bolton now claims that he’s ready to testify in Trump’s Senate impeachment trial.


On Monday, out of the clear blue sky, Bolton, who once claimed “Nah fam, I’m good” when asked about testifying, offered himself up to the Senate via a statement to his website that he was ready and willing to testify in the Senate’s impeachment trial of one President Donald Trump, assuming, of course, they subpoenaed him, which they are totally going to do now.

“I have concluded that, if the Senate issues a subpoena for my testimony, I am prepared to testify,” Bolton said in a statement posted on his website, NPR reports.

Currently, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), is trying his best to prevent witnesses from being called in the Senate trial because he’s worried that they may be forced to tell the truth and therefore Republicans would look complicit in the White House fuckshit, assuming that they would vote along party lines to acquit the president.

From NPR:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., has yet to send the two articles of impeachment approved by the House last month over to the Senate, nor has the House voted on the managers who will argue the case before senators. Pelosi said she is waiting for McConnell and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., to agree on “fair” ground rules for the trial first.

The House attempted to get Bolton’s deputy, Charles Kupperman, to testify last fall, but he was blocked by the White House. The House withdrew the subpoena after Kupperman’s lawyer sued in an effort to get a court to decide the matter.

Bolton had a front-row seat the president’s quid-pro-quo phone call with Ukrainian President Vlolodmort WhoGivesAShit in which Trump absolutely asked him to investigate dirt on former Vice President Joe Biden and his son, Hunter, in exchange for congressionally approved aid.

Bolton said Monday that as “it does not appear possible that a final judicial resolution of the still-unanswered Constitutional questions can be obtained before the Senate acts,” he has “had to resolve the serious competing issues as best I could,” NPR reports.


During his time in the White House, Bolton reportedly called Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani a “hand grenade,” and warned the president that snooping for tea on the Bidens was a bad look.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


kidelo *ask me about my Covid-19 vaccine!*

People are all giddy about this, but I’m thinking wait: Bolton just had his dearest wish come true. Trump is fucking with Iran. So who is to say this “testimony” is going to be of the pearl-clutching variety? Maybe Bolton will just be going in to give Trump a four-hour blow job.