For the First Time in a Year, the White House Press Secretary Is Going to Speak, and It’s Going to Be a Disaster

Illustration for article titled For the First Time in a Year, the White House Press Secretary Is Going to Speak, and It’s Going to Be a Disaster
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

Before the Trumps took over the White House and parked a broken-down Chevy pickup, trampoline and inflatable swimming pool on the front lawn, there used to be regularly scheduled press briefings.


But the president is a liar, and as the White House press secretary, I’d imagine it’s hard to explain the president’s lies when staring out into a sea of reporters who are not here for your fuck shit. Unless you’re a heartless bag of overpriced high heels named Sarah Suckabee Sanders Kayleigh McEnany, then you are probably dumb enough to give it a shot.

For the first time in a year, McEnany, the White House press secretary is going to hold a formal press briefing, and she’s going to get steamrolled. This is must-see TV and it’s supposed to happen at 2 p.m. ET if they don’t cancel it, Bloomberg reports.

The White House announced that McEnany—whose name I keep reading as McEnema which is basically a Big Mac—who used to be Trump’s re-election campaign spokesperson, would be taking to the podium late Thursday like she was dropping a mixtape.

It was the “brutal assault” of former Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders that discontinued the practice in March of last year. The Devil’s Mouthpiece basically lied every time she took the stage and her lies mixed with Trump’s lies just became too much to keep up with. Her successor, Stephanie Grisham, did not resume them because she was literally the worst.

The president heard that there was an open mic and like any Midwesterner will tell you, an open mic and captive audience is basically free karaoke! Like a SoundCloud rapper pushing his shitty album, the president began hosting his own coronavirus briefings and that turned out to be disastrous after he suggested that America shoot up bleach.

Bloomberg, notes that McEnany, “a Harvard Law School graduate and former commentator on CNN, came to the White House after the arrival of Mark Meadows, Trump’s new chief of staff, who has made several personnel changes.”


Something tells me that this whole thing is going to be a glorious mess, because nothing the Trump administration has done up to this point has been a success.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Rooo sez BISH PLZ

It will indeed.

On my familiar theme, however, do watch for which Republican is picking your pocket while the Pandemonium Shadow Show circus goes on up front:

Betsy DeVos Illegally Seizes Student Borrowers’ Wages During Pandemic

“Make a lot of noise over THERE, while over HERE you can take a hundred million off the wall and waltz right out the front door.” – Rene Russo as Catherine Banning, Thomas Crown Affair remake