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Florida Just Doesn’t Want Former Prisoners to Vote

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis or what happens when Satan eats a Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich.
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis or what happens when Satan eats a Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich.
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

First, Florida voters did something so un-Florida-like that everyone outside of Florida was like, “Bitch, do y’all see Florida?” That’s because in 2018, Florida voters voted to give felons back the right to vote, which, now that I think about it, might be completely Florida-like considering Florida is made up of two things: old people and felons. I kid. There aren’t that many old people in Florida.

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Because Florida is governed by the Gomer Pyle of governors who wants nothing more than to replace Sen. Lindsey Graham as Trump’s human stepping stool. Gov. Ron DeSantis and the GOP-led legislature came out with a “poll tax,” which wasn’t part of the original amendment voters passed but Republicans decided that felons in Florida wouldn’t be able to vote until all of their court fees and fines were paid in full.

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Like Batman, in stepped billionaire Mike Bloomberg and his utility fanny pack to the rescue. The former New York City mayor “partnered with the Florida Rights Restoration Coalition to help raise at least $16 million for felons to pay off outstanding legal fines and fees in order to regain the right to vote,” NBC News reports. In doing so, Bloomberg and co. gave some 32,000 former prisoners back their right to vote, and Florida didn’t like that shit.

“Today, I sent a letter to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and the Federal Bureau of Investigation into potential violations of election laws,” Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody said in a statement on Wednesday, NBC News reports. “And I have instructed the Statewide Prosecutor to work with law enforcement and any Statewide Grand Jury that the Governor may call.”

And you know who asked that she look into the restorative justice efforts? Pig excrement, Ron DeSantis, aka “Don’t I look pretty, Daddy?”

From NBC News:

Florida voters passed a measure in 2018 to restore voting rights to felons who have not been convicted of murder or sexual offenses and who had completed their sentences. Republicans in the state legislature responded by passing a law in 2019 requiring those felons to pay any outstanding fines and fees to consider their sentence complete. Voting rights groups sued over the law, comparing it to a poll tax, but an appeals court earlier this month ruled the law was constitutional.

“The right to vote is fundamental to our democracy and no American should be denied that right. Working together with the Florida Rights Restoration Coalition, we are determined to end disenfranchisement and the discrimination that has always driven it,” Bloomberg said in a statement on Tuesday after the initiative was announced.

Bloomberg spokesman Jason Schechter responded to the pushback by saying, “This transparent political ploy is just the latest example of Republicans attempting to keep Floridians disenfranchised.”

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You know if it involves stealing an election and voting, then Nestor’s father, who is not really his father, Rep. Matt Gaetz, wouldn’t be far behind. Nestor’s papa took his ass to the show of Trump’s favorite OnlyFans sex worker, Sean Hannity, and claimed that Florida needed to investigate the paying of felons’ debts.

“It is a felony [under Florida statute] for someone to either directly or indirectly offer something of value to impact whether or not someone votes,” Gaetz told Fox News. “You have the question of whether or not paying someone restitution and court costs constitutes something of value.

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“The next step is to determine whether or not this is intended whether or not someone votes,” Gaetz added.

And this is where Florida loses itself. First Republicans claimed that the tax was not a “poll tax” but merely a straightening of affairs before former prisoners could go to the polls. Now that the debt has been paid, Florida wants to investigate the payoff. Florida just can’t stop Florida-ing all over the shits. Florida is basically the soiled adult diaper on the ass of America. Florida is where dreams go to die.

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You know what Satan calls hell? Florida.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

Dr Emilio Lizardo

Seems straightforward. He’s not paying them to vote. He is simply removing barriers to voting should they decide to. As long as paying off their fees isn’t contingent on them voting, there’s no quid pro quo. He’s just being a nice guy and what they do after is up to them.