Coronavirus be Damned, Trump Will Hold Rally Because He Can’t Stop Rallying

Illustration for article titled Coronavirus be Damned, Trump Will Hold Rally Because He Can’t Stop Rallying
Photo: Brian Blanco (Getty Images)

There has been one thing consistent in Trump’s life from the time he announced that he was running for president until now: rallying.


Trump might hold the record as the most rallying president in the history of America. He’s addicted to rallying. In fact, he can’t stop rallying even when his life may depend on it.

On Tuesday, Trump’s re-election campaign announced that Trump will hold an event in Milwaukee. Yes, the same Tuesday that Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders and former Vice President Joe Biden announced that they’d both be canceling events in Ohio because public health officials have said that large gatherings in public places isn’t good for the health of mankind because, you know, coronavirus and shit.

Hol’ up. Wait one second.

*Puts on an aluminum foil fitted cap.*

What if there is a vaccine for the coronavirus but President Trump is the only one who has it? And if the president knows that he’s immune to the virus, he continues to show up at rallies where people get sick and continues to shake hands and builds this entire campaign around not turning his back on Americans in need? What if MSNBC has scientists like the famed Michael Moore on their broadcast only for him to be dumbfounded as to why the president hasn’t contracted the virus and why Bernie Sanders didn’t win the Democratic nomination? What if someone on Fox News floats the idea that Trump isn’t getting sick because he’s been sent by God?

Holy fuck, America!

*Takes off fitted and resumes his regular scheduled programming.*

According to CNN, Trump has ignored all warnings from health officials surrounding large gatherings and the spread of the virus and has privately insisted that there be no changes to his schedule. Because the president doesn’t give a fuck about you, he’s insisted that everyone “stay calm” and stop buying up all the toilet paper because the coronavirus will “go away,” though not one health official has said that shit.


Trump’s campaign communications director Tim Murtaugh told CNN that they will launch the “Catholics for Trump” coalition on March 19 at the Wisconsin Center, which is expected to be a “large campaign event” which is basically a fucking rally.

As health concerns continue to rise, Trump’s own coronavirus task force, which is run by celibate robot Vice President Mike Pence, has yet to say explicitly whether holding large campaign events is a good idea considering...ummm, THE FUCKING CORONAVIRUS is running around America like a loose pitbull.


On Tuesday, Pence was pressed during a task force briefing as to whether the Trump campaign was willing to suspend rallies since the “Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidance encouraging Americans to avoid large gatherings.”

“That’ll be a decision that’s made literally on a day-to-day basis,” he said, CNN reports. “I’m very confident that the campaign will take the very best information and make the very best decision going forward.”


Bitch, whut?

Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar was pressed by CNN’s John Berman as to whether he’d want his own parents to go to a large gathering such as a campaign rally.


“I would encourage any individual who is elderly or is medically fragile to think long and hard about going to any large gathering that would involve close quarters and potential spread. And if they do go, to take appropriate personal hygiene protections,” he said during an appearance on New Day. He urged Americans to “wash your hands with soap and water” and “keep as much distance you can from others.”

Me: Who doesn’t wash their hands? Like what grown person doesn’t wash their hands?


The View’s Adrienne Bailon in 2017:

And this is further proof of the widely held belief by many black people that the coronavirus started at a company potluck.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


The Ghost of James Madison's Rage Boner

So . . . lots of elderly Trump supporters are going to congregate in a big group in close proximity to multiple people who are known to have been exposed to the virus? Sounds legit.

On a related note, my wife was about to attend the annual conference of the American Society on Aging, but it was just cancelled because the ASA decided that it might not be the best idea for thousands of people who work with older adults to get together in a big group and then go back to work with those older adults. But what do all these experts on older adult health and welfare know?