Charlamagne Is Basically Every Ciara-Hating Twitter Nigga

Mike Coppola/Getty Images for BET
Mike Coppola/Getty Images for BET

According to an African proverb, "You can’t be both dumb and ugly. Pick a struggle." Charlamagne the I Don't Use the Lord's Name In Vain decided he would pick every struggle when he tweeted, in so many words, that Black women need to be more like hate-filled bucket of gluten-free fuckshit Tomi Lahren. He not only picked every struggle, but he’s giving each one a lap dance at King of Diamonds, boo-ing them up, then strolling down the aisle towards them before "International Player’s Anthem (I Choose You)" plays as his entry music. What a waste of UGK and Outkast, man.



1. First of all, Tomi Lahren didn’t create shit

Sidenote, you know a Black person is mad when we begin a sentence with “first of all.” There usually isn’t a second of all, it’s just a signal that we have a menagerie of qualms about some dumb shit somebody just said.

Tomi Lahren is not a creator. Most of her thoughts come from the same cesspool of right-wing catchphrases that have polluted the airwaves for decades. And she can parade her vomit of conservative talking points on-air because TheBlaze hired her and gave her that platform. She just…existed. That's like saying we should be more like air… but precisely 5000% less useful than that.

Lahren gets paid to read a teleprompter. She doesn’t work towards justice. She doesn’t battle on the streets in civil disobedience. She doesn’t advance any noteworthy cause for equality. Hell, she doesn’t even have to do the basic work that even neo-Nazi creators have to do, like publish, produce, film, edit, or market. She doesn’t do any fucking thing to advance her Bullshit White Opinions™ except read 3rd grade rants on cue. Once again, White mediocrity is worth more than the real blood, sweat, and tears Black people — and Black women in particular — shed to protect ninjas who clearly couldn’t give a solitary damn.

2. Umm…Black women are doing the damn thing

While propping up Darth Neo-Con Becky, Charlamagne completely erased the Black women in entertainment and media who actually do the work he said we need to do. Did Franchesca Ramsey disappear all of a sudden? Crissle claps back at White foolishment on multiple media outlets on a regular. Luvvie Ajayi has become a national treasure. Kimberly Foster built up For Harriet with nothing but grit and started creating regular video content. Ava DuVernay is making award-winning films and documentaries and addictive TV shows. (Editor's note: There's also Morgan Debaun, Evelyn From The Internets, Another Round, Aisha Harris's Represent podcast at Slate, my cousin sarah huny young…)


Beyond that, there are hundreds of Black women who work their asses off to get a voice in this uber-competitive field but there’s this little thing called WHITE PRIVILEGE THAT MAKES IT KINDA HARD FOR BLACK WOMEN TO RECEIVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITIES AND CHANCES AND CHANCES TO FAIL THAT WHITE WOMEN DO.

3. Charlamagne is Anti-Ciara Twitter personified

CTG is the type of nigga who gets mad at a Black woman for dealing with an ain’t-shit dude and also for moving on from said dude. Basically, he's chair, CEO, and majority owner of Future Hive.


If a Black women rants regularly in the media, she's angry. If we move like Gs in silence like lasagna, we're not being loud enough. For men like him, we can't ever do right. (Unless you're his dermatologist. He whips out mentions of homegirl like she's the token Black best friend.)

Not only do the Donkey Every Day's comments smack of ignorance, but they display the type of vitriol some Black dudes can have for Black women regardless of what we do. His original tweet—which started the firestorm of clapbacks against him— wasn’t an innocent observation. It was an accusation. Bruh used “woke” in quotes as if we just “play-play” getting angry and starting movements and marching in streets and working in non-profits for his dumbass just for shits and giggles.


Boy just say you don’t like Black women and gone about your day. Save them extras characters on Twitter. It'll give you more time to re-up your "exfoliation" regimen and fit in with the Tomis of the world. By "exfoliation" I mean "whatever it is you're doing that is literally and figuratively rubbing off your blackness."

We got too many folk tryna Dolezal their way into being The African Americans, and we full. Make space.



Charlemagne is a shock jock. And he knew exactly what he was doing when he made those comments and started sniffing around that woman. And it worked. Everybody is talking about him. In his world that equals a win.

In the future just treat him like a troll. Let him say whatever crazy thing he wants to say and just totally and completely ignore him. If we, Black women, do that, then just like the troll he is he will go troll elsewhere.