Candace Owens Is Getting a New Talk Show and I Have Some Topic Suggestions

Illustration for article titled Candace Owens Is Getting a New Talk Show and I Have Some Topic Suggestions
Photo: SAMEER AL-DOUMY/AFP (Getty Images)

Candace “I’m not like a regular Black, I’m a cool with white people Black” Owens has a new talk show in the making, y’all.

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According to The Hill, Candace will debut March 19 on “conservative media brand” The Daily Wire and will be taped in front of a live studio audience in Nashville.

Speaking on the show, The Hill reports that Owens told ITK “I guess the best way to describe it would be like a late-night talk show. It’s going to be funny. It’s going to be lighthearted. I think the most important adjective is it’s going to be hopeful.”

When ITK asked whether “lighthearted” and the person who is known for making controversial remarks for paychecks, likes and attention even go together, Owens responded, “I think people that follow me know that I have a great sense of humor.”

I guess she would have to in order to keep up the schtick that has gotten her paid since she realized criticizing Republicans wasn’t doing it for her.

Owens, who hinted earlier this year that she might even consider running for president in 2024, says that she wants to expand her audience beyond those who normally follow her.

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“I would say that my audience is any person that doesn’t feel heard or feels misunderstood,” Owens said to ITK. “That would be my audience. And I think that that’s a lot of people right now.”

Owens was asked if she is aiming to be the next Oprah or Ellen, and she admitted that while she disagrees with their politics, she admires them professionally, but she doesn’t want folks to expect her to come dancing through the audience the way Ellen does.

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“I mean, you’re probably not gonna see me dancing or something like that.”

I’m sure her rhythm was included as part of the deal when she sold her soul.

Nevertheless, I wanted to help the young, misguided niece out a little bit, so I came up with a list of potential topics for her show.

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  1. When Your Edges Get Repeatedly Snatched, How Do You Grow Them Back?
  2. Does Racism Disappear After You Win a Racial Discrimination Lawsuit?
  3. For Colored Girls Who Decided Being Black Wasn’t Good Enough
  4. Selling Your Soul to the White Devil for Table Scraps and a Just For Me Perm Kit
  5. I’m Not a Regular Black; I’m a Cool Enough for White People Black
  6. If You Weren’t a Slave, You Never Experienced Racism
  7. When Criticizing the GOP Doesn’t Pay the Bills, Switch to the Other Side
  8. I Am Not Your Omarosa
  9. Completely Missing the Point and Other Things You Have to Do to Win With White People
  10. On Being a Sellout
  11. Unlike Dr. Umar, White People Listen to Me
  12. White People Love Me Because I Say Things They Like
  13. If You Are a White Person Who Likes Me, You Can’t Possibly Be Racist
  14. There’s No Such Thing as White Supremacy Because White People Like Me
  15. Black People Hate Me; That’s Black-on-Black Crime

That’s just a starter list.

We’ll keep an eye out for Candace’s show and its ultimate demise because if the right-wing has proven anything as of late, it is the fact that you could be on today and totally off tomorrow.

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Good luck, my edgeless niece.

News Editor for The Root. I said what I said. Period.

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