On the same day that the Baltimore Ravens learned that their upcoming season is already off to a miserable start—starters Gus Edwards and Marcus Peters suffered season-ending ACL tears in the same practice on Thursday—Tom Brady kicked off the NFL’s 2021 season with a cruel reminder that his 21-year (and counting) reign of terror is nowhere near over.
Sure, the Dallas Cowboys’ high-powered offense—Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb combined for three touchdowns and too many receiving yards to count—and refurbished defense at least made the league’s opening night competitive, but when Dallas finally scratched and clawed its way to a 29-28 lead with 1:24 left in the fourth quarter, I took one glance at MAGA Brady and uttered from the couch, “Welp, this game is over.”
I can’t recall the verse or chapter off the top of my head, but it’s in the Bible somewhere to never in life give the greatest quarterback in the history of ever the ball back with over a minute left in the game—let alone ever. Sadly, the Cowboys apparently skipped Bible study that day because they did exactly that and paid dearly for it in an excruciating fashion.
During the subsequent drive, Bill Belichick’s scorned ex-lover threw a few short completions before hitting Chris Godwin deep for a 24-yard gain. Then, after deliberately killing the clock with a few out-of-bounds throws, Brady slid some bread to in his hitman, kicker Ryan Succop, to mercifully finish the job.
Does Tom Brady ever lose?
c) Absolutely not
d) All of the above
The correct answer is D. But much like Bucs coach Bruce Arians, you knew that already.
“There was no doubt that we’re going to win the game with [Brady],” he told reporters after the game. “It’s just who’s going to make plays.”
As ESPN is kind enough to note, it was the 49th game-winning drive of Brady’s career. That means Dallas had at least 48 other opportunities to learn to never in life give the ball back to a dude whose nickname is literally “Mr. Clutch” and still did it anyway.
That’s what we call a bad decision.
“There’s obviously a lot to clean up,” Brady said after snatching the soul of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones’ chest. “We won, but we know it was far from perfect.”
It’s gonna be a long season, y’all.