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What Geraldo Rivera Left in Al Capone’s Vault
In April of 1986, Geraldo Rivera hosted a two-hour live exclusive called, sadly, The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vaults, which was hyped up as an unveiling of whatever secrets the former mob boss left behind. Some 30 million people tuned in to watch what everyone believed was going to be a bounty of riches. After…
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We Watched Day 1 of the Impeachment Trial Because We Knew You Didn’t Want To
The first day of the impeachment trial was longer than the church service when you didn’t have breakfast. The first day of the impeachment trial was longer than the line at the DMV. The first day of the impeachment trial was so long (13 hours!) that we are sure you stopped watching, so we watched…
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Never Thought Hip-Hop Would Take It This Far: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries Drops B.I.G. Lyric During Impeachment Trial
The impeachment trial for Russia’s favorite operative Donald J. Trump has started and New York Rep. Hakeem Jeffries is becoming the breakout star. On Tuesday, after arguing succinctly and effectively that the president of the United States is a quid pro hoe who was willing to punish Ukraine by withholding aid until the Ukrainian president…
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The Impeachment of Donald J. Trump, Part 1: Pre-Fight Fuss Fight
The Senate impeachment trial of Russian Vice President Donald J. Trump began around 1 p.m. Tuesday, and here’s what’s happened and what we expect to happen on the first day. Senators, House Managers—aka the “Hit Squad”—and the White House counsel were all present and ready to go. Chief Justice Roberts brought the trial to session,…
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Hillary Clinton Just Ethered Bernie Sanders, Calling Him a Career Politician Whom 'Nobody Likes'
Hillary Clinton tried to tell America that they “COULD’VE HAD A BAD BITCH, NON-COMMITTAL,” but America didn’t want to listen. Now, Clinton is continuing her “I’m a hit you back in a minute” tour and dragging Bernie Sanders’ ass under the Clinton campaign bus. For reference, the Clinton campaign bus is a perpetually moving bus…
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Kellyanne Conway and Don Jr. Gentrify MLK Day With Raisin and Mayo-Laced Bullshit
Much like cornrows, hips, lips, asses and black men who play basketball, white people love some Martin Luther King Jr. Once a year, they co-opt the holiday observed in his name and act like they loved him his whole life. Studies taken by Me and Me—more formally called Me (I did the study)—show that white…
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Trump Adds 2 of Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends to His Impeachment Defense Team
In what can only be called clown shit, President Trump will enter his Senate impeachment trial with former Bill Clinton special prosecutors Kenneth Starr and Robert Ray, plus retired Harvard constitutional law professor Alan Dershowitz, as his attorneys. According to Politico, the three famous attorneys will serve as backups behind “White House counsel Pat Cipollone…
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Diamond and Silk Are Still a Thing and They're Still Ruining Madam C.J. Walker's Good Work
God doesn’t make mistakes, but people do. And sometimes those mistakes look like black aunties, who, in 2020 the year of our Lord Megan Thee Stallion, have the sensibilities of house negroes on dope. Anyway, because, much like cold sores and dentist appointments, they just won’t go away, Diamond and Silk did something or said…
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New Book Reveals Trump’s a Bigger, Dumber Asshole Than We Thought
When historians write about the 45th president, they will have to use photos and crayons or else the president himself won’t be able to read it. Because it turns out that the president of the United States, the man who 53 percent of white women voted into office, is about as smart as a second-grader…
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Lev-ing His Best Life: The 3 Biggest Takeaways From Lev Parnas’ Worldwide ‘Take Down the White House’ Tour
Turns out that Trump’s fixer Rudy Giuliani also had a fixer named Lev Parnas. Lev Parnas got caught up in some campaign finance fiasco in which he allegedly engaged in a scheme to funnel foreign cash to Republican candidates, which is illegal. And thank God he (allegedly) did. Because that act got him in trouble…
