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Some Guy I Didn’t Know Was Running for President Is No Longer Running for President
Former Maryland Rep. John Delaney is calling it quits. If I’m being honest, I don’t know who the hell that is. I would also like to add that I live in Maryland and cover politics and I don’t think I’ve ever heard of John Delaney, a Democrat, who was running for president (who knew?). And…
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Trump’s Impeachment Trial, Day 10: How the Senate Became the WWE
My parents were going through a divorce when I was 10. They were still trying to learn how to co-parent when my mother got me tickets to go to a WWE (it was the WWF back then) live performance on the condition that my dad would have to take me. My father was annoyed. My…
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President Trump Asked to Provide DNA Sample in E. Jean Carroll Rape Case
Lawyers for a woman claiming that she was raped by President Trump in the 1990s are seeking a DNA sample to test against genetic material reportedly found on the dress she was wearing when the alleged incident occurred. According to an exclusive Associated Press report, lawyers for advice columnist E. Jean Carroll served Trump’s attorney…
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President Trump’s Border Wall Refuses Breathalyzer, Field Sobriety Test After Being Caught Falling Down
Question: What do Trump’s bullshit border wall and the London Bridge have in common? Answer: Both of them shits stay falling down. On Wednesday, images of Trump’s impenetrable border wall, which was supposed to be made of some the toughest rhino skins and strongest elephant tusks, began popping up on Al Gore’s internet. The wall,…
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Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Learns of Coronavirus Death Toll in China and His First Thought Is It’ll Bring Jobs Back to America!!
Whenever Trump’s Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross thinks about anything, it’s always through a prism of whiteness and opportunity. Learning that a deadly disease is on the verge of causing a pandemic, the first thing Ross thought was how many white people are in China, and then, “Do you have any idea how many companies will…
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Trump’s Impeachment Trial, Day 9: And the Winner Is…
Wednesday marked the first day that senators got to ask questions of both the House managers, aka the A-Team, and Trump’s defense lawyers, aka National Lampoon’s Goes to Congress. And the winner for best question of the day goes toooooo…Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), who asked, “is the president a lying bitch or a bitch that’s…
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Trump’s Backers Are Handing Out Cash to Black Voters
Nothing says totally legal and above board like giving a potential voter an envelope filled with cash, but that’s exactly what Trump folks have been doing ahead of November’s election. According to Politico, last month, at an event held by the Urban Revitalization Coalition, a 501(c)3 charitable organization headed up by Darrell Scott—“King Conk” to…
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Trump’s Impeachment Trial, Day 8: Never Have I Ever…
I tried to watch it. But the sudden death of Kobe Bryant and his beautiful daughter Gianna mixed with Trump attorney Jay Sekulow’s punchable face? I just wasn’t in the best mental space to hear more lies on top of mistruths on top of misdirections. But I know that Trump’s legal team tried to discredit…
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Mother of ‘Success Kid’ Meme Wants Ass Toupee Rep. Steve King to Stop Using Her Son’s Image for His Campaign
I’m sure you’ve seen the “Success Kid” meme by now. It’s the one of the little chubby-cheeked kid caught in mid-fist pump. It’s a meme that’s gone viral many times over, and while the image of the little blonde-haired boy is about as cute as they come, you know who’s not? Iowa Rep. Steve King.…
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Trump’s Impeachment Defense, Day 3: John Bolton’s Booketh Got Them Shooketh
Maybe former national security adviser John Bolton wasn’t just a publicity thot who took his five minutes of infamy to hawk a book. Maybe John Bolton had a secret plan. Who knows? Maybe he’s not Johnmorosa after all. Tuesday marks the third and final day of Trump’s defense team’s opening arguments in Trump’s impeachment in…
