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Tiger Beat: Reporter Asks Trump About Pardoning Joe Exotic During a Pandemic
It’s good to know that the reporters over at the New York Post have their fingers on the pulse of America. Currently, the United States is the epicenter of a global pandemic in which people are forced to stay in their homes, death numbers continue to rise and there still appears to be no end…
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Trump Doesn’t Care If You Die Standing in Line to Vote as Long as You’re Voting for Him
President Trump is not a smart man. He is a man of simple things. He demands loyalty. He demands that people see him how he sees himself. He demands that people lie for him. He demands that he win at all costs. So when Trump demands that “Republicans should fight very hard when it comes…
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Sen. Bernie Sanders Finally Makes It Official and Ends His Floundering Fish on Sand Run for President
Guess what, America? You aren’t going to have Sen. Bernie Sanders to kick around anymore because the independent Vermont senator has officially ended his presidential campaign, only four months after he should have. Sanders announced Wednesday that it’s over. He’s packing up his briefcase and moving back to one of his three houses to retire…
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You’ll Never Guess W.H.O. Trump Is Blaming for Coronavirus Pandemic Response Failure
President Joe Exotic has found another Carole Baskin to blame for his inept and lackluster response to the Tiger King of viruses. On Wednesday, the president did what he does best and shifted blame for his non-response to COVID-19 to the World Health Organization, claiming that they called it wrong and—get this shit—he also threatened…
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A Navy Captain Wrote a Letter Begging for Help With the Coronavirus Onboard His Ship. He Was Removed From Duty
Captain Brett Crozier was worried about sailors on the USS Theodore Roosevelt, which had been battling the coronavirus, so he sent an email explaining the complexity and the urgency of the dire situation he faced. “We are not at war. Sailors do not need to die. If we do not act now, we are failing…
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Trump Campaign to Jeff Sessions: Stop Trying to Act Like We’re Still Gang Gang
President Trump and Jeff Sessions were once a White House version of famed New England Patriots duo Bill Belichick and Tom Brady—that is, until Sessions started realizing that what Trump wanted in an attorney general was a body man to do his dirty work. When Session said “nah,” he then resigned at Trump’s request, which is…
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Jared Kushner Is a Goddamn Idiot
On Thursday—and I didn’t think this was possible—President Trump handed the mic to someone who is actually dumber and less qualified than the president, his son-in-law, Jared Kushner. To date, Jared Kushner is basically following in Trump’s footsteps; his father made money in real estate and the young Kushner is eating off the fat of…
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Georgia Mayor Lifts Social Distancing Order After Residents Pull the Most Selfish ‘Let Me Speak to Your Manager’ Ever
This seems to be one big case of “are you fucking kidding me?” The mayor of Cumming, Ga., initially issued a social-distancing order and had plans to swear in some 150 new police officers to help enforce the order in the small town in a state where they have over 5,000 confirmed cases. But some…
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Wait, Who Wants to Hurt Dr. Fauci? America’s Only Hope for Coronavirus Honesty Forced to Beef Up Security
Dr. Anthony Fauci, stealer of Trump’s press conferences and corrector of Trump’s lies, “the country’s top medical expert on the coronavirus pandemic and a member of President Donald Trump’s coronavirus task force,” has been forced to beef up security after receiving threats to his personal safety. According to CNN, America’s top pandemic doc has to…
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Auntie Maxine Is Not Here for the President or His Coronavirus Congratulations
It’s become in vogue to bash the president. Don’t get it twisted; he’s deserving of all the hate coming his way, but it’s not really bold to say that the president is an idiot or a Russian operative or that he’s got a thing for Russian prostitute urine, now. It was a bit more taboo,…
