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Bernie Sanders Endorses Joe Biden Because What Else Is He Going to Do?
Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders had some really great ideas if he were elected president. He wanted to implement universal health care and free college for all, but it doesn’t matter now because Sen. Sanders wasn’t really personable. In fact, Sanders always looked like he just finished eating a rotten chicken salad sandwich and because of…
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Trump Official Asks Black 60 Minutes Reporter Why They Didn’t Cover Global Pandemics Under Obama. 60 Minutes Pulls Out CVS-Length Receipts
To be fair, White House trade adviser Peter Navarro is a goddamn idiot, so he was grossly outmatched from the time he agreed to sit down with 60 Minutes, but he did it anyway—and got his ass handed to him by the host, the staff and the interns. During his appearance, Navarro—whose qualifications seem to…
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Trump Retweets #FireFauci Because He Hates People Who Tell the Truth
The president is not only a liar, he demands that the people around him push his lies as truth. To this end, it’s always only been a matter of time before the president started looking for ways to get rid of Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.…
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The Chosen President Wishes Everyone a Happy Jesus' Death Day
The president of the United States—the one whom his believers link to Jesus, or, more modestly, God—just wished everyone a “HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY” because he’s not only a fake Christian, he doesn’t understand how any of this works. For those of us forced to wear church clothes on Sunday—I only had three kinds of clothes:…
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Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis Is Dumb AF, Claims Coronavirus Hasn’t Killed Anyone Under 25
I know that what I’m about to type may be blasphemous—I’m sheltering-in-place with a toddler who can’t stop watching a video of Hickory Dickory Dock, so I could be delusional—but Ron DeSantis might be the dumbest man in America who doesn’t have the last name “Trump.” On Thursday, this “Florida Man” spouted that the coronavirus…
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Trump Administration Looking to Reopen America Next Month Because They’re All Idiots
Dr. Ben Carson is a world-renowned surgeon who may go down in history as one of the best to ever wield a scalpel. He’s currently a member of the Trump administration, and his position? He’s the doctor of housing. He may have been the only hope in terms of flattening the curve of idiocy inside…
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Was Trump Gifting Ventilators to His Allies? One Congresswoman Thinks So and She Has Receipts
On Wednesday evening, Rep. Diana DeGette claimed that President Trump was running a little quid-pro-ventilators as he tried to garner political favor during a global pandemic. According to CNN, the Colorado Democrat put in an order for ventilators that went all but ignored. But, when vulnerable GOP Sen. Cory Gardner, who’s also from her state,…
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Something Tells Me Joe Biden Is Going to Mess This Up
As a Washington football team fan (until Colin Kaepernick’s protest, when I realized that the Washington team owner is not only a huge asshole but also a huge Trump donor, which is basically saying the same thing), I’m pretty familiar with the idea of a serviceable quarterback. Just a body behind the center calling plays…
