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Secret Service Spends $3,000 a Month for Bathroom, Because Jared and Ivanka Won’t Let Them Use Their Toilet
So the Secret Service can take a bullet for Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump but they can’t even use their bathroom. Like during segregation, the Secret Service reportedly spends some $3,000 a month for a toilet close to the Kushner-Trump home because they can’t use one of the 6.5 bathrooms inside the couple’s home. Look…
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‘QAnon Shaman’ Gets Organic Diet in Prison, Because of Course He Would [Updated]
We all know Jake Angeli. He’s the white man who stormed the Capitol dressed as Bullwinkle, wearing a horned helmet and fur. Apparently, he is also a Chad (a male Karen), who survives off an organic diet of white tears, complaining, whining, and privilege. And because there is a separate jailing system for white people,…
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If the Capitol Is Closed to the Public, Why Did Some Republican Congress Members Give Tours the Day Before Insurrection?
It’s been a week since a violent group of terrorists stormed the Capitol looking to overthrow democracy and Democrats have questions, a lot of questions. According to Roll Call, Rep. Mikie Sherrill and 33 other House members want an investigation into tours provided by fellow House lawmakers inside the Capitol on Jan. 5, just one…
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Everything We Know About Biden’s Stimmy Package. Plus, Sen. Cory Booker and Rep. Ayanna Pressley Want to Give Babies Bonds
OK, who are we kidding? We all voted for Joe Biden for three reasons: First, he wasn’t Donald Trump, and I’m thoroughly convinced that if a piece of sock lint had run against the white supremacist in chief, we all would’ve changed our Twitter avis to “Vote Sock Lint 2020!” Secondly, he teamed up with…
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New York City to Trump: Everything You Own Is in a Box to the Left
Add New York City to the long list of people and places that are no longer fucking with the lame duck president. And all it took was a failed insurrection for it to happen because I guess the migrant children in cages just weren’t upsetting enough. Anyway, New York City, Trump’s former home away from…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: It’s the Remix to Impeachment
After four years of tucking their ovaries away, it looks like some Republicans have finally grown a pair and are actually going to fight back. I know. I know. But you have to admit that the few Republicans that are on board with Trump’s impeachment are looking a little less like wet washcloths. (For my…
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Trump on Mob Violence: Riots Happen Every Day, B
If you were waiting for Trump to take accountability for inciting a mob riot on the Capitol, then you, my friend are a goddamn idiot. Respectfully. On Tuesday, an indignant Trump spoke about the violence at the Capitol and noted that he found it “totally appropriate” while also calling for “no violence” in his first…
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Second Congresswoman Tests Positive for COVID-19 After Capitol Lockdown With Maskholes
Rep. Pramila Jayapal has tested positive for COVID-19, making her the second congresswoman to test positive for the highly contagious virus because they were locked in a room with maskholes who refused to wear a mask even when they were offered one. “Only hours after Trump incited a deadly assault on our Capitol, many Republicans…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: You Better Go Look at That Border Wall While You Can
The wall that no one wanted has become a metaphor for Trump’s time in office: an unfinished, expensive waste of time and energy that will be forgotten as soon as he leaves office. On Tuesday, the president of people who shop at Big Lots will travel to Alamo, Texas, to gaze at his failure one…
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Pay Me What You Owe Me: Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee Reintroduces Reparations Bill
“Is the stimmy a form of reparations?” my 1-year-old daughter asked me the other day. I looked at her puzzled, and then asked where she’d heard such big words. She replied that her daycare is near: I kid. My daughter doesn’t go to daycare with COVID-19 running unchecked in these MAGA streets. I live near…
