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Trump Will Sign Spending Bill, Declare National Emergency Because He Can't Stand Losing
The president lost the wall. Despite billing himself as the great negotiator who will get the deals done, his strong-arm tactics proved ineffective, highly ineffective. The president drove the government into the longest standstill in American history, demanding full funding for his border wall. In the end, he not only got no funding for his…
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President Trump's Physical Was Days Ago, So Where Are the Results? [Updated]
When the president had his routine physical last year, he was quick to usher out Dr. Ronny Jackson to do a press conference announcing that he was the most fit 71-year-old man whose diet consists of fast food. Oh, he swore that the president was only taking a low dose of cholesterol medicine and that…
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Former FBI Deputy Director Confirms There Were Talks to Invoke the 25th Amendment and Trump Mocks Him on Twitter
On Thursday, the president of the United States mocked former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe because the president of the United States was the kid in gym class who didn’t want to change in front of other boys, and now he’s president of the United States. Because the president uses his Russia-given position to sit…
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Trump's 'Executive Time' Just Got Serious as the President Has Purchased a $50,000 Golf Simulator: Report
President Lazy Thot has gone from heading to the golf course to bringing the golf course to the White House, having had a room-sized golf simulator installed to allow his lazy ass to play virtual rounds when he’s not napping. According to The Washington Post, Trump replaced former President Obama’s less sophisticated golf simulator, which…
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Rep. Ilhan Omar Claps Back at the Bigot In Chief: 'You Have Trafficked in Hate Your Whole Life'
Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) had time Wednesday morning when she clapped back at President Trump’s call for her to resign, noting that the president has trafficked in hate his whole life. In a tweet, the president’s preferred mode of communication because he’s basically a 13-year-old 7th grader, Omar tweeted: You know that Omar’s initial tweet…
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All-White Wisconsin GOP Decide Colin Kaepernick Is 'Too Controversial' to be Included in Black Caucus' Resolution to Honor Black History Month
A group of white Wisconsin Republicans have decided that former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick was too controversial to be included in a resolution to recognize Black History Month, so they took him off a list of influential black leaders. As the story goes, the legislature’s black caucus had proposed a resolution honoring black leaders. The…
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Trump Forgets He's Racist and Vile, Calls on Rep. Ilhan Omar to Resign Over Anti-Semitic Remarks
In the alternate universe where Trump lives—a universe that strangely resembles a trailer park on the side of a barely used freeway—the president can be one of the most vile, racist, xenophobic, hot-tempered, bullying, making fun of the disabled, Russian-elected officials to ever steal the White House and call for an actual American elected official…
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Nebraska Running Back Facing Revenge and Child Porn Charges After He Sent Victim Video of Her Being Sexually Assaulted: Report
Nebraska running back Maurice Washington is facing criminal charges for revenge and child porn after he reportedly kept video of a 15-year-old female teen being sexually assaulted, and then sent the video to the victim. According to the Chicago Tribune, Washington, 19, faces two charges in his home state of California including “a felony count…
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Trump Says He's Not 'Happy' With Border Deal and Continues to Lie About the Wall Being Built Right Now
On Tuesday, the president of people who buy jogging baby strollers said he’s not “happy” with a bipartisan agreement to prevent a government shutdown that provides $1.375 billion for fencing and other physical barriers along the Southern border, far less than the $5.7 billion the president has demanded in previous negotiations. “I don’t think you’re…
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Trump Supporter Attacks Media During Trump Rally and Trump Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
During another one of the president’s endless rallies in El Paso, Texas, on Monday, a supporter of the President Trump took the media-hater-in-chief’s consistent and frequent statements against the press literally and reportedly shoved a BBC cameraman before being taken away by security. The deplorable allegedly shouted “fuck the media” before issuing a series of…
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