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Attorney General Bill Barr Has Lost His Damn Mind

Illustration for article titled Attorney General Bill Barr Has Lost His Damn Mind
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

When Trump appointed Bill Barr to be his attorney general, it was clear that Trump wanted a hitman to do his dirty work. He’d already burned through Jeff Sessions for recusing himself from the Russia investigation, as Trump believed it was Sessions’ job to insulate and protect him from that inquiry.

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So it was clear from the time that Barr, aka “Evil John Goodman” took the appointment that he was on some fuckshit. But lately, it seems that Barr, who once ordered authorities to clear a group of peaceful protesters so the president could hold a Bible and prove that he’s not the antichrist (he’s totally the antichrist as he held the Bible upside down), has been activated. Bigly.

In a call last week with federal prosecutors, Barr recommended that they consider charging rioters and those who committed violent crimes during protests with sedition. Which, for those like myself who don’t know what the fuck “sedition” means, is basically to charge them with trying to overthrow the government because Trump is a dicktator and Barr is his henchman.

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Not only is it highly unusual to charge protesters with “insurrection against lawful authority” but some U.S. attorneys were alarmed that the option was even on the table and afraid to speak on the record for fear of retribution, according to the New York Times.

From the New York Times:

The attorney general has also asked prosecutors in the Justice Department’s civil rights division to explore whether they could bring criminal charges against Mayor Jenny Durkan of Seattle for allowing some residents to establish a police-free protest zone near the city’s downtown for weeks this summer, according to two people briefed on those discussions. Late Wednesday, a department spokesman said that Mr. Barr did not direct the civil rights division to explore this idea.

The directives are in keeping with Mr. Barr’s approach to prosecute crimes as aggressively as possible in cities where protests have given way to violence. But in suggesting possible prosecution of Ms. Durkan, a Democrat, Mr. Barr also took aim at an elected official whom President Trump has repeatedly attacked.

“The power to execute and enforce the law is an executive function altogether,” Barr said during a speech in Washington celebrating the Constitution. “That means discretion is invested in the executive to determine when to exercise the prosecutorial power.”

This means he can do whatever the fuck he wants—and he will because he’s taken the job under the pretense that he will carry out the most damning punishments against all who go against the queen.

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Or as Larissa put it in 90 Day Fiancé:

Gif: Tenor
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And all of this came after Bill Barr decided to open his piehole and outright endorse the president for a second term, which is fucking ridiculous. During an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Barr claimed that the nation could find itself “irrevocably committed to the socialist path” if Trump loses and that the country faces “a clear fork in the road.”

If there was a fork in the road, Barr would pick it up and use it to eat something off his high chair at Trump’s dining table. Barr has completely politicized the office of the US Attorney General and the Justice Department as a whole, adding another big-ass tire onto the small truck that is the Trump administration.

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And, get this shit: On Wednesday, Evil John Goodman-head-ass called the demands for a nationwide lockdown to prevent the spread of the coronavirus the “greatest intrusion on civil liberties” in history “other than slavery,” CNN reports.

Ummm, huh?

What the fuck did he just say?

Apparently, during a talk at a Constitution Day celebration hosted by Hillsdale College, Roseanne’s brother was asked to explain the “constitutional hurdles for forbidding a church from meeting during Covid-19.”

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This launched evil Fred Flintstone into a four-minute diatribe in which he also claimed that Justice Department prosecutors working beneath him were acting like preschoolers and governors were using executive powers to keep people in the house and businesses from opening.

“You know, putting a national lockdown, stay-at-home orders is like house arrest. Other than slavery, which was a different kind of restraint, this is the greatest intrusion on civil liberties in American history,” Barr said as a round of applause came from the crowd.

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Yes, because I can’t tell you how many times my little cousin who was on house arrest felt like he was being enslaved. He was also 14 and not the attorney general of the United States.

And for good measure, he took a shit all over Black Lives Matter because why not, amirite?

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Barr claimed that the Movement for Black Lives is using the death of black lives by law enforcement as “props” to push a political agenda.

“As a proposition, who can quarrel with the proposition ‘Black lives matter’? But they’re not interested in Black lives, they’re interested in props. A small number of Blacks that are killed by police during conflict with police, usually less than a dozen a year who they can use as props to achieve a much broader political agenda,” CBS News reports.

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But, what scares me most is that Barr is becoming this unhinged with less than fifty days before voting takes place. He’s already played dumb on whether or not it was illegal for a Trump supporter to vote twice for Trump and pushed a fanciful tale of how mail-in voting can be corrupted without any proof.

I don’t expect anything to go smoothly on voting day, and you know who’s responsible for protecting America’s right to vote? The Department of Justice run by Evil John Goodman.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

bigdadacoolbreeze
BigDadaCoolBreeze

The death of Benito Mussolini, the deposed Italian fascist dictator, occurred on 28 April 1945, in the final days of World War II in Europe, when he was summarily executed by an Italian partisan in the small village of Giulino di Mezzegra in northern Italy. His body was taken to Milan and left in a suburban square, the Piazzale Loreto, for a large angry crowd to insult and physically abuse. He was then hung upside down from a metal girder above a service station on the square. His body was beaten, shot at, and hit with hammers.

Switch out the names but I think we’re on to something here.