And For His Next Trick, Floyd Mayweather Is Going to Beat Logan Paul's Ass

Illustration for article titled And For His Next Trick, Floyd Mayweather Is Going to Beat Logan Pauls Ass
Screenshot: FanMio

On Friday, to the surprise of many, singer Teyana Taylor announced her retirement from the music industry. Citing her desire to no longer be at the beck and call of a record label that has continuously undervalued her otherworldly talents, The Album songstress has opted to abandon music and instead prioritize her mental health.

“The crazy part about it is I asked Def Jam to drop me on almost 10 different occasions,” Taylor explained to her fans on Instagram Live. “Straight to their face, up in the building, at the table. Like, ‘Yo, just drop me. Because at this point, I can’t let this kill me.”

Taylor wouldn’t be the first entertainer to announce her retirement. Jay-Z issued similar threats in a past life, as did Kid Cudi back in 2009, Master P in 1998, and 50 Cent in 2007. To the surprise of no one, each went on to rise like the phoenix and continue to release music—as have just about every other artist who’s prematurely “retired.” That’s not to say that we don’t believe Taylor is frustrated with the music industry, but “retirements” have a tendency to fall into one of two categories: Either they’re a publicity stunt or a means to establish more favorable terms in order to continue pursuing their passions.

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To that end, on August 26, 2017, Floyd Mayweather called it a career—for the third time—after collecting nearly $300 million dollars to beat the brakes off of some obnoxious asshole named Conor McGregor, which admittedly felt a bit weird considering Mayweather isn’t exactly the paragon of virtue himself. In the process, he would leave the sport with a perfect 50-0 boxing record at 40 years old, and presumably spend the rest of his days beefing with 50 Cent (isn’t he supposed to be retired too?) and flaunting his immense wealth on Instagram.

But a funny thing happened along the way: Much like Kid Cudi, Jay-Z, and Teyana Taylor (I don’t believe for a second that we’ve heard the last from her), the five-division champ can’t keep his hands out of the cookie jar.

In 2018, he got paid $9 million to obliterate some poor unfortunate soul in an exhibition match that more closely resembled “a carnival act”—the “fight” lasted a grand total of 139 seconds—and for his next trick, he’ll be avenging the untimely demise of Nate Robinson by beating the shit out of YouTube demigod Logan Paul.

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To the untrained eye, most will mistake Paul for the same dude who sent Robinson’s jaw to the afterlife. But nope! That was his brother Jake, who should be facing 20 years in prison for the hate crime he committed against Robinson’s dignity.

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In the immediate aftermath, Mayweather took to Instagram to congratulate Robinson for even stepping in the ring, but also issued what some might interpret as a whole-ass threat: “Nate, I’m proud of you and I will always stand behind all my brothers.”

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Translation: “You fuck with my brothers, I fuck with yours.”

Which brings us to this official announcement:

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While details are scarce at the moment—neither a weight class nor location has been revealed—I can confirm that not only will the pay-per-view bout go down on Feb. 20, but there’s a very real possibility that Paul will get decapitated on live television. Because unlike Robinson, whose penchant for ignoring defense in the NBA has apparently continued on as a boxer, Mayweather is a whole-ass professional fighter—arguably the greatest to ever live. And if revenge is a dish best served cold, Paul might want to invest in a microwave.

Or just do this:

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For more info on the fight, hit up FanMio.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for ya'll to stop putting sugar in grits.

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StinkyTinkler

Never fight a YouTube idiot.

If you win, you beat up a chump, but if you lose...