Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina claims to own an AR-15. I don’t believe him. Maybe he does. Maybe he uses it as a hat stand or a leveling device to steady his kitchen table.
But Graham wants America to believe that he’s a gun owner and that this isn’t about his dick. But it’s totally about his dick. See, when white guys do this gun ownership “look at how big my gun is” thing, it’s always a dick measuring contest. Always. Which is why they fight so hard to use and keep military weapons in their home.
Take Graham, for instance.
“I own an AR-15,” Graham told Fox News host Chris Wallace on Sunday. “If there’s a natural disaster in South Carolina where the cops can’t protect my neighborhood, my house will be the last one that the gang will come to, because I can defend myself.”
This is a white gun owner fantasy: A Doomsday scenario in which a group of banditos comes looking for wine and women and the only hope in saving America from this lawless group of rabble-rousers is Sen. Lindsey Graham and his assault rifle.
Except this is Sen. Lindsey Graham:
The Root’s Managing Editor Genetta Adams points out that this isn’t even Thunderdome-level apocalyptic scenarios, this is Hurricane Katrina and Texas blackout-level stuff.
“So instead of Graham using his power to try and get people help, he’s going to stand on his porch and threaten to shoot people looking for provisions in a crisis,” Adams said.
And she’s right. Graham even said so himself in 2019, when he was Trump’s favorite nail file.
“[In case] there’s a hurricane, a natural disaster, no power, no cops, no anything,” he said looters would know not “to come to the AR-15 home.”
“I think if you show up on the porch with an AR-15, they’ll probably go down the street,” Graham reportedly said.
By “looters,” I’m assuming Graham means his constituents, and by “go down the street,” I’m assuming he means not to come to their senator for help during a crisis.
But this is totally not about dicks and I shouldn’t have said that. The Root is a respectable website and we don’t wade in the muck of baseless claims about male genitalia and gun ownership. That’s bush-league stuff.
Here is a photo of Graham holding his
dick AR-15 at a gun range in Greenville, S.C.
But this isn’t about guns, it’s about regular citizens having access to military-style weapons as the AR-15 has proven itself to be the weapon of choice during mass shootings. In 2012, 26 people (20 children) were killed in Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. Later that year, Graham boasted that he owned the same dusty AR-15 that he keeps talking about and created another scenario in which zombies came looking for his Nescafe.
“You could find yourself in this country in a lawless environment from a natural disaster or a riot,” Graham said. “I have an AR-15 at home, and I haven’t hurt anybody, and I don’t intend to do it.”
And because Graham is a human leaf blower and both his hands are glued to racist dog whistles, the South Carolina senator took to Republican PornHub, aka Fox News, and claimed that President Joe Biden was using the “race card” for calling voter suppression by its name.
See, in Georgia they have made everything illegal when it comes to voting. A Black person would have an easier time cashing a voided check with no ID than they would voting. You can’t even hand voters water or a granola bar while they are standing in line to vote. So Biden called a thing a thing and noted that this was some “Jim Crow in the 21st century” bullshit during his first news conference Thursday, Politico reports.
“You know what’s sick is that the president of the United States played the race card continuously in such a hypocritical way,” Graham said to Fox News’ Frankentense Fennelheister (Oh, like you know their names!?).
Graham went on to disparage Democrats and a package of election and government reforms, known as H.R. 1, that passed the House earlier this month and which seeks to counter Republican efforts to stymie voting, calling the sweeping legislation “the biggest power grab in the history of our country.” It awaits action in the Senate.
“Every time a Republican does anything, we’re a racist. If you’re a white conservative, you’re a racist. If you’re a Black Republican, you’re either a prop or Uncle Tom,” Graham said. Democrats “use the racism card to advance a liberal agenda, and we’re tired of it. H.R. 1 is sick, not what they’re doing in Georgia.”
For the TL;DR crowd: It’s fuck Lindsey Graham forever and ever.