CNN contributor L.Z. Granderson spins a hilarious yarn about why men should avoid discussing fat and weaves with women in order to avoid confrontations and hurt feelings.

I don't know if it's sexism or wisdom or just plain fear, but men have been socialized to avoid saying two words in the presence of women.

The first is "fat."

I know I don't go there.

And I don't see a good reason why any man should.

When women use the word around me I pretend not to hear it, and if asked a question with the word "fat" in it, I sneeze in my hand and then ask for a tissue. Juvenile, yes, but it allows me to change the subject without having to answer the question. And I don't ever want to answer that question.

Speaking of questions, the second word we should all stay away from is "weave."

I don't care if a man sees a woman bald at the office on Wednesday, with blond finger waves at the club on Friday, and with jet black hair down to her butt at church on Sunday — if anyone asks if she wears a weave, the answer is "I don't know." She could be holding a receipt from Weaves R Us in one hand, and five pounds of hair in the other, and he should say "I'm not sure." 

Read L.Z. Granderson's complete column at CNN.