Mike Pence Issues Stern Warning to North Korea in a Dumb Leather Jacket

You know Vice President Mike Pence spends nights at home reliving scenes from Top Gun. He probably demands that his staffers call him Maverick and secretly refers to President TrumPutin as Goose.

On Monday, Pence arrived at the gateway to the Demilitarized Zone dividing the two Koreas in a show of U.S. resolve a day after North Korea failed in its attempt to test another missile, and he did it in the Maverick leather jacket he affectionately refers to as “the Fonzi.” Example:

Pence to staffer: Hand me the Fonzi; it’s time to shut some shit down!

Pence warned North Korea not to test the U.S. resolve because we are tough, and if you had any questions about our toughness, look at this fucking leather jacket!

White men and leather jackets go way back to biker gangs and musicals. I know these leather jackets are part of some presidential package, but that doesn’t change the fact that Pence secretly styled his hair into a pompadour in the bathroom before he said, “Just in the past two weeks, the world witnessed the strength and resolve of our new president in actions taken in Syria and Afghanistan,” according to the Washington Post.

“North Korea would do well not to test his resolve or the strength of the armed forces of the United States in this region,” Pence added and then he flipped the collar on his doofy leather jacket, licked his finger tips, smoothed his eyebrows and strolled offstage.

What’s the over-under on whether or not Pence had a pocket comb in his back pocket?

Look, North Korea and the U.S. are man-dancing. They are doing the prefight posturing that happens before any drunken bar fight between two guys who really don’t want to fight but are hopped up on PBR and machismo. This is the dance of idiots, and Pence wore idiots’ garb to this meeting because this is what fake tough-guy shit looks like. It was either this goofy leather jacket or a jean vest with frayed edges and a long, feathered earring.

Let’s hope cooler heads prevail, but at this point, I’m not that optimistic. Kim Jong Un is the fat kid who’s tired of being pushed around, so he’s overly aggressive even when the situation doesn’t call for it. TrumPutin’s administration is hopped up on ’80s-movies brave-man shit. The two don’t make for a good mix, and Pence’s dumb leather jacket isn’t helping anything.

Read more at the Washington Post.