You know what? I think I’ve finally figured it out...
I know why racist white people keep wilding out on camera despite the well-known trend of white people facing consequences (or at least being publicly shamed as Black Justice League Twitter drags these villainous melanin-nots all up and down the internet) after their racism goes viral. It’s because the universe understands that if I don’t use The Root’s platform to roast a Karen every couple weeks or so, my purpose on Beyoncé’s green Earth goes slightly unfulfilled. I’m not saying I’m Roast-a-Crazy-White-Bih-Jesus, I’m just saying.
In today’s episode of Whew Chile, the Trailer Park, a drive-thru somewhere in Arizona became a stage for a clearly-drunk-and-I-really-hope-she-wasn’t-driving white woman to act out her anger at a Black man for hanging out with his white friends. (Now she can’t even issue a proper apology since she’s already ineligible to include the “I have a Black friend” cliché, which is like a doctor’s note saying your body is racist bone-free.)
In the video, Bizarro Britney Spears (fortunately, I happen to know that The Root’s readership includes a lot of DC Comics fans who would be familiar with Bizarro Superman, otherwise I’d have to explain that reference) can be seen and heard in the midst of a slurry-rant (points for the double entendre as her words were slurred and she was being racist) aimed at a car full of people who were laughing at her drunken display.
“You fucking Black bitch, you fucking Black, ” Becky With the Stank Breath says to the Black man among the group who filmed the incident from inside their car. “You Black hanging out with white kids and that’s your problem. That’s your problem!”
She goes on to repeatedly shout, “Oh, na-nah na-nah” which could only mean she was a huge No Limit fan back in the day and the hooligans in the car were disrupting the rehearsal of her acoustic cover of Master P’s “Make Em Say Uhh”—it all makes sense now.
Later in the video, Ariana Grande Rum and Coke directs her ire at the white passengers in the car.
“You ignorant white fucks,” she said. “You little millennials sitting here videotaping my ass? My God, na-nah na-nah!” (Apparently it’s a gospel acoustic cover.)
“You fucking millennials is the best thing to just hit the fucking joint, dude,” she continued. (I don’t know what that means, but, at this point, I’m 80 percent sure she was either trying to buy or sell them drugs.)
Eventually, the Black man gets out of the car, first to clown Iggy Azalea’s understudy, then to get her back in her vehicle and the hell on.
“If the cops come, we’re all fucked,” the Black guy said.
“Oh, the cops ain’t coming for this shit,” Miley Cyrus’ alter ego replied.
The video ended with the Black man informing Trump’s next press secretary that “you out here yelling with your titties halfway out.”
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