Simply put, Los Angeles Lakers superstar Anthony Davis has been playing like a boiling cauldron of hot ass this year.
And before you call me a Laker hater—which I completely own and take tremendous pride in, thank you very much—allow me to present the eight-time All-Star’s shooting percentages this season to the jury:
Is that not a boiling cauldron of hot ass?
Sure, the former New Orleans Pelican is still somehow putting up averages of 24.1 points and 10.3 boards a game this season, but when your jumper is broke enough to rack up overdraft fees every game, your team has a -4.3 net rating when you’re on the court, and the Lakers are mired in a 13-12 malaise, people start pointing fingers. And considering LeBron James is staring his 37th rotation around the sun in the face and is finally looking like he can no longer leap tall buildings in a single bound, somebody deserves the blame.
Enter Inside The NBA’s Charles Barkley, who has an idea or seven on who that person should be—and it ain’t Laker’s coach Frank Vogel. After clowning Los Angeles for fielding a team full of “old-ass geezers,” the Hall of Famer emptied the clip Tuesday night and dug into Davis’ ass.
“Listen, Anthony Davis, you’ve got to play better,” Barkley said. “I said it on this first night. If the Lakers were gonna be any good, it was all gonna be on you. It has nothing to do with Russell [Westbrook]. It has nothing to do with LeBron, and the rest of them old-ass geezers they put together out there. But now y’all have crossed the line, because I really like Frank Vogel. It ain’t his fault.”
He continued, “In my opinion, I blame Anthony Davis. Anthony Davis, you know I like you as a person, but you ain’t doing what you’re supposed to do. You’re 27 years old. You’re supposed to be in your prime. You’re supposed to be one of the five best players in the world, up there with Giannis, Kevin Durant, and those guys. And you ain’t holding up your end of the bargain. So now I hear y’all are going to fire the head coach. That’s total B.S., man. Now I feel better.”
Apparently, Davis and his background singers, The Old-Ass Geezers, must’ve caught wind of Barkley’s comments. Because hours afterward, they responded with a dominant 117-102 victory over the Boston Celtics that included a combined 71 points from the holy trinity of Davis, James, and Westbrook.
“I just like the way we competed tonight on both sides of the floor,” King James said of the team’s fourth win in its last six games. “We had a lot of intensity, a lot of ball movement. Guys were attacking the rim. I think defensively, besides the first 14-point avalanche on [Celtics star Jayson] Tatum’s part, we locked in from that point forward.”
And for those wondering how The Unibrow responded to Barkley’s slanderous rant, he shot 7-of-13 from the floor and chipped in 17 points, 16 boards, and a pair of blocks.
Are the Lakers back on track? Are they ready to compete for a championship? I sure as hell hope not. And if Barkley calling out Anthony Davis is the key to unleashing the 10-year veteran’s dominant play, I’m gonna need Charles to shut that shit all the way up, post-haste.