Illustration for article titled Woman Allegedly Steals Car and Tells Cops Shes Beyoncé. No One Needed a Maury DNA Test to Determine THAT Was a Lie
Screenshot: KTSM (YouTube)

Who among us has never told a little lie to get ourselves out of trouble? The rule of thumb, though: make your lie appear plausible.

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In today’s “Now, sis” news, KTSM reports that a Las Cruces, New Mexico woman was arrested Saturday morning after allegedly stealing a car. The woman, who’s actual name turned out to be Surena Henry, initially identified herself to police as pop-icon Beyoncé.

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From KTSM:

According to court documents obtained by KTSM, the victim contacted LCPD around 7 a.m. reporting his gold 2000 Saturn 4-door car was missing from his apartment complex. About two hours later, an officer spotted the car being driven by a woman and tried to pull her over.

The driver of the Saturn refused to stop and was eventually found by a different LCPD officer in the 1400 block of Alamo Street.

When the officer asked the woman to identify herself, and she said her name was Beyoncé Knowles. Unfortunately for Henry, the arresting officer previously interacted with Henry and knew her true identity.

Unless Beyoncé had undergone a Face/Off like operation and switched identities with skinny-Al Sharpton, it’s safe to say that, even if officer’s hadn’t recognized Henry from a previous encounter, they immediately knew she was, in fact, not the woman who is arguably the most recognizable singer of the past two decades.

Henry is only nine years older than Yonce so she couldn’t even plausibly claim she was 48-year old Beyoncé having traveled back in time to warn the world of some future apocalyptic tragedy. (Unless, of course, she came back to warn us that Andrew Gillum was only the tip of the iceberg in black celebrity meth addiction, to warn black women of the effects of stress resulting from marrying ain’t-shit niggas like Jay-Z or to warn the general public that the cure to coronavirus is definitely NOT lemonade.)

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According to KTSM, court records show that Henry was arrested in March 2019 and January 2020 for being in possession of stolen cars and that the 2019 case was dismissed by a judge before going to trial. It is unclear why the case was dismissed, but it’s a fair bet that it wasn’t because she convinced the judge she was Tyra Banks.

Henry is charged with Unlawful Taking of a Motor Vehicle, Concealing Identity, and Resisting, Evading or Obstructing an Officer. She was released on a recognizance bond on Monday.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

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