(EDITOR’S NOTE: Shedeur Sanders was selected by the Cleveland Browns in the fifth round of the NFL Draft shortly after this story was posted.)
Shedeur Sanders not getting drafted in the first, second or third rounds of the NFL draft is like when that white cashier scrunches up her face and drops change in your hand instead of running the risk of touching you. Was she a racist Karen, or is that how she treats all customers? It’s a racism Rorschach test.
Sanders, son of Hall of Famer Deion Sanders, isn’t likely to ever know if he was passed over because he’s a blinged out, cocky, already-rich Black guy white team presidents and owners wanted no part of or because he lacks the prototypical size of an NFL quarterback.
Not knowing ain’t the same as not thinking you know. Everybody this side and the other of Boulder, Colorado, has thoughts on it. So let’s put this thing on trial: Ticked off Black Shedeur Backers v. the NFL.
Deion, for the prosecution: “Your honor, I know you’ve seen my boy ball. Threw for 4,100 yards last season. Thirty-seven touchdowns. Helped a teammate win the Heisman. Should’ve been the first pick of the draft, not just picked in the first round. There are about 20 good quarterbacks in the NFL, which has 32 teams. They’re signing 40-year olds off the couch in that league. Ain’t no way my boy ain’t good enough to get drafted in the first round.”
“Let’s not pretend the NFL is above racism. Colin Kaepernick took a team to the Super Bowl one year and, a few seasons later, no team in the league would sign him. All because he took a knee during the national anthem to protest racism.”
“Look at the coaches. Can’t field a team up there without brothers, but, somehow, nearly all the coaches and general managers are white. I heard my boy was too arrogant. That wasn’t a problem for Baker Mayfield, who got drafted No. 1 in 2018. I heard my boy is too small. My boy is bigger than Baker Mayfield.”
“We all know what this is even if we don’t want to call it by name. It’s racism, your honor. Plain and simple.”
Cleveland Browns co-owner Jimmy Haslam for the defense: “Your honor, in recent years, we’ve had not one, not two, but three African American quarterbacks play for us. One guy, Deshaun Watson, went from Bible quoting to getting accused of wanting happy endings to go along with his deep tissue massages. He was only okay when he played for us.”
“Another African American, Jacoby Brissett…well, your honor, his name is Jacoby. Not DeQuan or LeMarcus or even DeMarius. We’re used to that. But..Jacoby? Wasn’t too good for us.”
“The third African American quarterback we employed was Jameis Winston. Strong arm. Stole crab legs in college. Just couldn’t stop throwing the ball to the teams we were playing against.”
“I mention all of this, your honor, to make it clear our team has no problem with the African American quarterback. Nor does any other team in the NFL. We just want the quarterback to be, you know, good. And we all worried Shedeur was more hype than good. He literally called himself legendary before playing a game up here. They retired his jersey at the University of Colorado. He won exactly one more game than he lost there. How in the hell - I’m sorry, your honor - we thought that was unwarranted.”
“And then there’s his daddy. He’s Deion Sanders, your honor. Greatest cover corner in the history of the sport. And a loud-mouthed braggart. He’s going to be popping off to the media every time his boy - I mean, his son - gets yelled at by a coach.”
“Shedeur, he’s kinda small for what we go in for. We like ‘em big and strappin’! Don’t get me wrong about that. You need height to see over the line and weight to withstand the blows. Shedeur doesn’t have enough of either. Holds the ball too long, too.”
“Your honor, we didn’t take Shedeur in those early rounds because he didn’t warrant being picked that high, not because we don’t want an African American quarterback. We have no problem with African American quarterbacks, not even rich ones who have more jewelry than a Tiffany display case.”
“Neither our team nor the NFL is racist. Remember, after the George Floyd riots - I mean, civil unrest - we hired Jay-Z.”
Judge (scrunching up his face and standing to leave): I’m going to have to take this case under advisement.
Bailiff: All rise! You, too, Deion!