Ladies, when is the last time you had a really intense orgasm, and was it one you gave to yourself?

Fellas, how often do you rub one out? Is it once or twice a week, or once or twice a day?


I know when we were younger, the adults around us tried to discourage us from touching ourselves. They may have given various reasons for why you shouldn’t, but no matter what you’ve been led to believe—masturbation is good for you, and it’s good for your partners, too.

First of all, it’s a good stress reliever. The next time you are at home feeling anxious about everything and nothing, practice giving yourself an orgasm and watch how quickly that stress melts away. You could even do my favorite trick, the old “fap and nap.” There is no better sleep than the sleep that comes after you have just had the ultimate release. Trust me. I’m a professional.

Aside from the self-gratification benefit of it, there is also the practical benefit.


How many times have we had to suffer through a dude who shot his load within the first three or four minutes of sex? If he had taken the time to rub one out earlier that day, he wouldn’t be on his side of the bed doing the “I don’t know what happened” routine right now.

Sir. We know what happened. You need some dick control. Masturbation can help you with that.

Basically, if you get that first nut out of the way earlier in the day, every round of sex that night will be like second-round sex. You will last a lot longer, and hopefully your partner will be pleased with your stamina.


And ladies, there are practical benefits for you, too. The biggest of those is this: You can’t tell anyone else how to please you if you don’t even know how to be pleased.

Learning about yourself through self-exploration is useful for a number of reasons—not the least of which is, you find out pretty quickly where the hot spots are that make you weak. And you become adept at guiding others in the art of making you come.

Get familiar with the little man in the boat. Make him your bitch. Play with him with your fingers, and play with him with a vibrator, but be careful: Overstimulation can lead to numbing of the nerves down there, and that won’t be fun for anyone—most especially you.


Because men are such visual creatures, there is an additional benefit in learning to please yourselves, ladies.

Watching you touch yourself is also a thing that turns men on immensely. Bonus points if he is able to tell that you are really getting off and not just doing your favorite porn-star impersonation.

HDT (He Did That) likes it when we’re doing reverse cowgirl in front of the mirror and he can see me reach down and touch myself. In fact, it overly excites him, and I end up feeling like I’m on the bull at Saddle Ranch, but I digress …


Me touching myself in the moment is fun for both of us. He gets a nut, and I do, too. Sometimes it’s a 2-for-1 deal for me at that, and when that happens, it’s fucking magic.

I highly encourage every woman to try and make this happen for herself.

For everyone, think of masturbation as practice. Getting good at anything, especially sex and sexual pleasure, involves a lot of practice.


It’s a form of self-care. Loving yourself is the first step to learning how to let others love you.

Get into it.

We will be discussing masturbation on our next The Root After Dark Twitter chat, Thursday at 11 p.m. ET/8 p.m. PT. I will take over The Root’s official Twitter account as always, and we will chop it up. Be sure to follow The Root on Twitter and be a part of the discussion using the hashtag #TheRootAfterDark.