Why Does Donald Trump Keep Sniffling? An Investigation

Illustration for article titled Why Does Donald Trump Keep Sniffling? An Investigation
Photo: Carlos Barla (Getty Images)

In the aftermath of Tuesday’s presidential address showcasing a litany of lies, hazy facts, accusations and demonizing, perhaps the biggest question raised by Donald Trump’s public plea to build the Great Wall of MAGA is:

What the hell is wrong with Donald Trump’s nose?

The president’s nasal drip stole the show as the star of the primetime border wall pitch meeting, causing some to wonder if former president George H. W. Bush might have mistakenly left behind that bag of cocaine he used during his 1989 Oval Office address on the evils of the crack epidemic.


If you haven’t seen the mashups surfacing on social media of Donald Trump sniffling like Bobby Brown with a head cold, here is ours:

To answer this question, The Root conducted an extensive investigation mostly composed of asking anyone around us: “What’s wrong with this motherfucker?”

Here is a list of possible explanations for why Donald Trump was acting like a Bassett hound searching for a place to take a dump in an unfamiliar back yard.


Former Vermont governor and physician Howard Dean first noticed Trump’s curious foible two years ago and tweeted an astute medical analysis:

Because I’m not very familiar with drug use, I assumed Gov. Dean was referring to Trump’s affinity for diet Coca-Cola but I have since been told by experts that there is a delicious treat called Columbian Nose Candy available on the underground medicinal market that helps Lindsey Lohan and people who like to “party” come up with novel business ideas or technological innovations like a wall, for instance.


I would never imply that Donald Trump was a cocaine user but Howard Dean is a doctor, and who am I to argue with his medical diagnosis?


It is quite possible that Donald Trump is allergic to something. Everyone knows he hates teleprompters. Maybe he has an aversion to reading polysyllabic words. He could have been going through KFC withdrawals, which can be quite debilitating.


His allergies could explain his desire for a wall. Maybe he has a little-known biological reaction to non-white people called “melanin-intolerance.”

He Has a Booger

Perhaps he couldn’t reach it with his tiny fingers.


I know what I said earlier about trusting doctors but upon consulting with a physician, one doctor told me that Trump’s sniffling could be an upper respiratory infection.


While this certainly is is possible, no less than two of Trump’s own physicians who examined him have said that Donald is the healthiest president in the history of presidents.


A recent investigation by The Root politics editor Stephen A. Crockett Jr. and myself revealed that whenever Trump is focused and stays on teleprompter, he has the sniffles, but when he goes on wandering rants, the nasal drip seems to disappear.


As someone with an acute Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, I know that Adderall is often used for focus and energy. It has also become a niche party drug and is often snorted in fraternity houses and colleges across America.

Tom Arnold and GOP strategist Rick Wilson have alleged that Trump snorts the drug. Comedian Noel Caster recently claimed that Trump snorted Adderall on the sets of Celebrity Apprentice, the Miss USA pageant and the Miss Universe pageant.


Is it possible that Adderall is a performance-enhancing drug used to boot Trump’s literacy?



For years, whenever I had to speak in public, I would automatically feel the need to clear my throat. Anxiety and nervousness can often produce a nervous tic but that would never happen with Donald Trump because he is never nervous. It might be possible that reading gives Trump the jitters, which is why he gets his intelligence briefings in pictures.


Or maybe he can feel the walls of the Mueller investigation closing in. Every sniff means: “no collusion!”

While all of these scenarios are possible, the simplest answer is usually the most likely. It is possible that Donald Trump is just like you, me and the American people.


Maybe he can smell bullshit.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


Nunna Yorz - American Justice Is A Joke

Its adderall. I bet every morning, before he gets up to go do his early morning toilet tweets, the whitehouse chefs prepare and bring him his morning McGriddles and Coke (The soda not the drug. Have some class people!). And on the tray next to those McGriddles is a stainless steel spoon, and a fine crystal bowl, filled with crushed adderall for him to snort.