There’s foul, there’s trash and then there’s whatever passes for Cleveland Browns fans who thought a tailgate at yesterday’s home opener was the appropriate place and time to, uh, erect a monument to their favorite quarterback and the heinous accusations against him.
Imagine waking up to head of a football game and thinking this was a good idea:
If you’re not clear on what you’re looking at there, it’s a group of Browns fans at a tailgate in a municipal parking lot outside Cleveland’s First Energy Stadium. Instead of the usual pregame festivities—a grill, a keg maybe—these morons laid a mannequin on top of a massage table, rigged it to appear like it had an erection covered up only by a hand towel and stuck a tip jar between its legs. For good measure, they taped a sign reading “Happy endings are not illegal” to the table and put the mannequin in the number 4 jersey once worn by Deshaun Watson while he was quarterback of the Houston Texans.
Watson wore that same jersey on Sundays during the period when he was accused by some 24 massage therapists of exposing himself, non-consensually touching them with his penis, masturbating, ejaculating and asking for sexual favors. Both he and the Texans have settled claims with most of those women, and Watson’s battle with the NFL over how long he’d be suspended in connection with the allegations was the NFL’s biggest off-season scandal (assuming you ignore the racial discrimination lawsuit it’s currently fighting). Watson and the league ended up settling on an 11-game ban, which is why despite his “supporters”—if you can call them that—he wasn’t even on the field yesterday for his new team’s embarrassing loss to the garbage-pail New York Jets.
What a piece of shit you have to be to think this is funny. I’ve already written about how many seemingly unemployed Browns fans are still standing on the idea that somehow, Watson shouldn’t have been suspended at all by the NFL because he wasn’t convicted of a crime. That’s about all you need to know about these folks, they’re clearly shiftless with no real-world work experience because if they had any, they’d know people with a lot less money and power than Deshaun Watson routinely lose employment for more triflin’ reasons than 24 sexual misconduct lawsuits.
Now we know that not only are these morons ignorant of what it’s like to have a job, they know even less about the law. “Happy endings are not illegal”? Paying a stranger to masturbate you to completion falls under the definition of prostitution literally everywhere outside of the few places legalized brothels exist. Even if by some stretch of the imagination what Watson was accused of had been consensual—and his accusers all way it wasn’t—it definitely would’ve been a crime in Texas. Or Cleveland. Or wherever you’re reading this, except Nevada.
What’s worse is there are also women in the picture, apparently cool with the fact that the dudebros they consort with find humor in the Watson situation, as long as they cheer for the same sorry squad, which hasn’t won anything more than a first-round playoff game since the 1980s.