We have reached the end of another season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and therefore it is time to evaluate everyone’s usefulness. Some cast members gave their all and were a delight, while others gave their all and I couldn’t give a decimal of a damn about them on this show. Feel free to chime in as you see fit—and many of you (understandably) may want to start your prayer circle for Joseline.
Joseline Hernandez: We regret to inform you that the number you have dialed is disconnected.
Mimi Faust: I suppose the artist formally known as Molly the Maid, who used to hold on to shower rods as if she were riding Taz’s Texas Tornado at Six Flags AstroWorld, can stay, but I want her to find something to do that doesn’t involve shouting about Joseline Hernandez. Granted, Joseline has taken care of that herself, but remember when, in addition to having baby daddy and thot drama, Mimi had a business? And remember that brief moment when she tried to manage artists? Can she go back to showing us some of the side hustles?
Rasheeda and Kirk Frost: Toward the end of the season, I started to believe that Rasheeda and Kirk might have been egging viewers on for the sake of a story line to stay on the show. Then Rasheeda cried on part 1 of the reunion and I felt like a terrible person for even having those suspicions.
Just kidding. I blamed Kirk for being a terrible person and promptly moved on.
Still, while I am curious to see how Rasheeda moves on with her life, I would very much like to see more about her that doesn’t concern her community-dick-slinging spouse. If they manage to make it as a couple, awesome for them, but their marital woes have been following them for years on the show now. There has to be something else going on with the Georgia Peach. Like, go in the studio, Rasheeda. Give us something else. Kirk, stop being terrible; you can go forever, honestly.
Karlie Redd: Hell no, she can’t go. The Pearl from 227 of the show will always have a place in my heart and attention span. She is the wig glue that keeps the show together. In fact, she ought to drop a new single because fuck what you heard, “Louis, Prada, Gucci” is still a bop.
Tammy Rivera and Waka Flocka Flame: She used to get on my nerves a little bit because she didn’t seem particularly kind, but perhaps it was a misunderstanding on my part. Whatever the case, Tammy is cool, and after releasing a new single that folks actually like, she has more reason than ever to stay on the show. I would love to hear more about her turning into a recording artist. Yes, girl, live up to the premise of the damn show. Can we please also have more Deb Antney? The more Deb, the better.
Tommie: I would like to take a moment and quote Ideal’s “Get Gone”:
I think I better leave (leave) you alone (alone)
So get your bags (yeah) and get the hell on (on)
See, because I don’t want you no more
(I don’t want you no more)
I think you better leave (leave) me alone (alone)
So get your bags (yeah), get the hell on (get gone)
Because love ain’t here no more
How is this woman not an insurance risk by now?
Stevie J: He can’t go, but I think it’s time the self-professed “good guy” got back to filming inside a studio. Not with off-brand versions of the Puerto Rican Princess, either. Some real talent, please—new or old, whatever.
Scrappy: I don’t mind Scrappy, but can he bring Erica back with him? Can he, also, go back to reminding us that he was a rapper? I like Scrappy, but his lit mom is dropping more heat than he is. C’mon with the “murzick,” Scrap.
Yung Joc: Joc is comic relief, so he stays. I still don’t get the Honky Tonk Man-inspired hair, but there must be a sock hop happening somewhere in Atlanta. But seriously, I like Joc. He doesn’t take himself too seriously, and that’s what makes him much-needed levity on the show.
Momma Dee: THE QUEEN SHALL NOT LEAVE HER CASTLE, OR HER PLACE ON THIS SHOW. I’m ready for the next single, Momma Dee.
Jessica Dime: Jessica Dime is this season’s MVP. I just want to salute her for this achievement, encourage her to wear darker colors on her head rather than pink, and hope that she gets even more screen time. Congratulations, Jessica Dime. I’d also like to inform readers that Jessica Dime has a few bops in her catalog. Make some more, Jessica Dime, and maximize the next season.
Ariane Davis: So, Ariane is stunning and I love looking at her, but wasn’t she supposed to be pursuing music? What happened to that? She doesn’t have to leave, but it would be nice if she found something more to do on the show. That comes from love and wanting Ariane to get more screen time with purpose.
Karen King: I’m afraid to answer, given her appearance on America’s Most Wanted, TBH.
Melissa Scott: No shade, but Melissa gave me Lesbian Nikko all season long in that she was very happy to be on the show and it was oh so evident. And like Nikko, she tried too hard. So, like Nikko, she can leave.
Rod Bullok, Jasmine Washington and Keanna Arnold: I want nothing more than to never deal with this Chicken Fried Steak-and-gravy-from-Church’s Chicken edition of Big Love on this show again.
Miyha “Lovely Mimi” Thi Luong: When did this show become Love & Acrylic Nails? One assumes that Lovely Mimi, who is a thing on Instagram, was brought in to be this franchise’s answer to Cardi B. Sadly, there is only one Cardi B. For me, Lovely Mimi can go back from whence she came, but I get the sense we’re stuck with her because she wants it so badly.
Sierra Gates and Rod “Shooter” Gates: You know, these two gave us a whole lot for folks we had just met. Sierra is fine, but her wayward-dick husband is a problem. Still, Shooter is a producer who works with artists we’ve actually heard of, so I guess they should be given a second chance or whatever. I reserve the right to yawn in this moment, though.
Moriah Lee: Farewell, sis. I never cared.