White People Will Believe Anything...Except Facts

Illustration for article titled White People Will Believe Anything...Except Facts
Photo: Spencer Platt (Getty Images)

The Democrats stole the election for Joe Biden.

It’s becoming painfully obvious that the Democratic Party somehow convinced the Republican legislatures of Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin to throw the elections in their respective states. And, after bellyaching for five years about Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, obstruction and three stolen Supreme Court seats, for some reason, the Democrats didn’t even bother to give themselves a Senate majority by rigging the elections for Jaime Harrison, Amy McGrath and Cal Cunningham.


There isn’t a shred of evidence of a rigged election, and no one has explained how Democrats convinced their nemeses to commit a felony in exchange for ___ (we’ll fill in this blank when we can figure that part out) but everyone knows how shrewd Nancy Pelosi can be, never mind those lost House seats or that failed impeachment bid.

What else could explain it?

Sure, there’s the fact that Trump is one of the most unpopular presidents in modern history and that most Americans disapprove of the job he was doing, but you can’t count on the polls. They were in on it, too. So was the “fake news” media—even Fox News. You know this was all Barack Obama’s idea.

And Hillary Clinton was in on it, too, even though she didn’t bother to rig the 2016 election. Trump won that won fair and square (ignore that statement from Trump supporter Marco Rubio saying the GOP-controlled Senate Intelligence Committee “found irrefutable evidence of Russian meddling.”)

The Democrats rigged the election with the help of four Republican secretaries of state, six, GOP-controlled state legislatures, Trump-appointed judges, thousands of poll workers, hundreds of vote-counters, the media, antifa, Black Lives Matter and George Soros (he’s always involved.)

Of course, there is another possible explanation. Perhaps the people who were ravaged by COVID-19, economic instability, white supremacy and presidential incompetence went to the polls, voted for Joe Biden, and then we counted the votes.

White people would never believe that.

By now you’re aware that there is a contingent of Donald Trump supporters, politicians and Fox News hosts who contend that the 2020 election results are invalid because a few states insisted on using math to determine the winner of the presidential race. Yesterday, investigative journalist and silent dribbling advocate Laura Ingraham broke the story wide open:


CNN reports that “Stop the Steal” protesters are taking to the streets because they are “misinformed by social media.” The New York Times described the angry Trump supporters as “mired in tribal polarization.” The Associated Press didn’t even bother to characterized militia group protesters, only describing them as “two dozen heavily-armed men, wearing camouflage.”


If you, like Robert De Niro, are “confounded” by MAGAlytes’ willingness to concoct the least logical explanation for the white supremacist messiah’s failure to resurrect himself three days after his political crucifixion, allow me to posit a theory from a word I stumbled across in this obscure, rarely-used reference book called a “dictionary.”

Perhaps white people are:

a: lacking intelligence, or:

b: showing a lack of intelligence

For legal reasons, I could not title this article White People Are Dumb. (I didn’t want another lawsuit from dumb people for comparing them to white people). Even if you disagree with me condensing the name of the Stop the Steal movement down to its shorter, more pronounceable nickname (pronounced: “WHY-it-pee-pull”), maybe you can agree on three indisputable facts:

  1. White people like Donald Trump: According to Gallup, 55 percent of white people approve of his performance as president while his latest job approval rating stands at 24 percent among nonwhites.
  2. White people will vote for Donald Trump: When Pew Research examined the verified votes for the 2016 election, they found that 54 percent of white voters cast ballots for Donald Trump. Preliminary exit polls for the 2020 election show that Trump earned 58 percent of the white electorate.
  3. White people are the only people who will for Donald Trump: In 2016 and 2020, white voters were the only racial or ethnic group in America with a clear majority of support for Trump. Black, Hispanic, and all other non-white groups voted for Trump’s challenger.

And yes, these white people who make up the majority of white voters are dumb.

That is not an opinion.

The idiotic belief that tens of thousands of poll workers got on a Zoom call and came up with a plan that outsmarted all the disparate elections systems software programmers, poll workers, vote counters, legislative bodies and voters is just the latest asinine assumption of white people.


These are the same white people who believe their beloved Founding Fathers weren’t white supremacists even though they enshrined white supremacy in America’s founding document. Even the dumbest dummy knows that one cannot own another human being unless the owner believes he is superior to his human property.

Their inherent dumbness leads them to believe that the Civil War was about “states rights” in spite of the word “slave” making 10 appearances in the Confederate Constitution. Why do you think they called themselves the “slaveholding states?”


They accepted Jim Crow because they dumbly believed it was possible to be “separate but equal.” They believed that civil rights activists who openly espoused nonviolent resistance actually caused violence. They ignore unequivocal proof that majority-Black school districts are underfunded while still believing that Black people are inherently less intelligent than their white counterparts. They don’t believe in racism, white supremacy or white privilege but believe that anti-white discrimination is real that every successful Black person benefitted from affirmative action.

They refused to accept that Barack Obama was born in the United States even when they saw his birth certificate but—with no proof whatsoever—insist that Donald Trump actually pays taxes. They believe Obama was only elected because he was Black but Trump’s election had nothing to do with whiteness—it was “economic anxiety.”


They don’t believe the data about the disproportionate racial impact of police brutality, poverty, criminal justice, voter suppression, employment or healthcare. They believe that Black people are just lazy, violent, sickly whiners who want government handouts. Meanwhile, they scoff at anyone who connects them to right-wing extremism, mass shootings, medical discrimination or inequality as they take their government handouts euphemized as “subsidies” or “tax loopholes.” They are allergic to facts, blind to data and resistant to research. They will believe anything except the truth...

Or Black people.

Or facts.

There is only one thing that explains why white folks figure the news is fake; the coronavirus is the flu; the CDC is composed of science fiction writers and Donald Trump is a good, honest Christian man who overcame a hardscrabble life as a multimillionaire son to reach the presidency through hard work, intelligence with no help from Russia:

White people are dumb.

To be fair, there is one other possible explanation.

Perhaps—and I know this will sound like a crazy conspiracy theory—they refuse to acknowledge the existence of math, science, facts and truth because it suits their goals. What if their collective, selective ignorance was all a ruse that allows them to align with white supremacy without openly admitting it?


What if white people are just racist?


Only an idiot would believe that.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


Foxstar loves Bashcraft

Boil it all down to willful stupidity.

Trump is the God King of Stupid and thus, stupid people flock to him. Oh they claim they are tired of the ‘elite’ talking down to them as if they were cockroaches with a brain injury, but the fact is, they fall for shit that stupid folks do and get so invested in that stupid that they can not and will not admit, even after having of their stupid surgically dismantled before them, that they have few/no facts, they are just stupid.

What we saw this election was indeed historical, in that stupid people turned out in droves to make the statement that yes, they are stupid, but their God King of stupid caters to that and makes them feel all good. So naturally, they want another four years of stupid. Remember, these are the same people who think Qanon is some form of higher truth that ‘fancy know-all folks can’t understand’ but them, they cracked the code.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, racism is just a form of stupid that ends up being passed down from parent to child and so on. To some people, racism seems natural and right and they have not and will never get over the fact that when they let their racism become public, that the end result is they lose their jobs, they get lit up all over the internet, their children are treated with disdain and so on.

But Trump, he speaks stupid and bonus, he thinks the way they do. So fuck yeah, they want more of him, even though a shitload of people died because they were stupid and looked to him to lead the way, or a stupid person caught C19 and transferred it to somebody else.

There is no healing this divide. There never was and now that the stupid have had a taste of one of their own in power, the next Trump is going to be way worse.