We Need to Talk About the President's UFC-Style Fight With the Queen's English

The president of the United States is a global embarrassment and a national idiot. I know that seems like it’s a debatable comment, but it’s not. It just isn’t. It’s not subjective. The president is a few security clearances short of a junior high school diploma.

At this point, I’m going to need to see concrete proof that the president of the United States is in fact an American citizen because he struggles with English as if it’s not his first language. Or, like most aliens, he’s got a double set of uppers that makes it hard for him to roll his letters.

As it stands, the president has punched “anonymous” in the ribs.

Here he is grabbing “Venezuela” by the pussy (which is illegal in cage fighting).

Here’s a compilation of him going toe-to-toe with “LGBTQ.”

This wasn’t even a fair fight, as the president slurred all his words here and apparently lost his mouth piece when pronouncing the “United States.”

He’s also struggled with the lyrics to “God Bless America,” which could have something to do with his blood oath with Russia, so that doesn’t annoy as much.

Most recently, the man chosen by white women to run the White House got into a full tussle with the word “origins.”

Four times the president claimed that he wanted Congressional leaders to look at the “oranges” of the Mueller report. There are so many orange jokes and the president’s skin color jokes here that I’m going to avoid all of them, because I don’t wade in low-brow humor. I’m better than that. We are better than that!

Orange you glad?

There is a lot going on in this video, a lot that could explain why the president struggled with the word “origins.” First, the president’s hair looks wet, which obviously means that he just left a Hungarian bath house in which he refused to adhere to the signage that notes that no one should be fully nude.

The president also lied earlier about his father being born in Germany, so that could’ve been haunting him. Yeah, you’re right, he doesn’t care about that.

The president could have been thinking about tanning. Who amongst us hasn’t been sidetracked with events later in the day and not had time for the bullshit president-ing?

At some point, the president will want to move up the orator ladder; currently he’s just behind Dennis Rodman at 3,567. The president also has a mouth shaped like an anus.

Some things you can’t un-see.