My grandmother once said: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.”
That’s why I learned how to write.
The Root is often accused of being biased in favor of progressive politics (Confession: We are biased toward progressive politics), but today, we’d like to display some bipartisan goodwill by discussing a political ad for Republican candidate Kimberly Klacik (pronounced “Hoo-giv-suhf-uhck”). Klacik (whose middle name is not Kardashian...but probably) is well-known among people who think Candace Owens doesn’t display enough self-hate. She is a Trump-supporting conservative zealot who tweets messages like this:
A member of a prominent political family (Her grandfather Stephen was was the first house negro in charge of an entire plantation while Klacik’s Uncle Ruckus briefly served on the board of the Homeowners Association in Woodcrest, Ill.), Klacik is also running for the Maryland congressional seat formerly held by the late Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Heaven). In an attempt to show how the absolute worst part of the city she wants to represent, Klacik recently released an ad of her walking through the now-abandoned Hamsterdam set used on HBO’s hit show, The Wire.
The Root decided to break down Tomika Lauren’s guided tour of the sunken place to prove our nonpartisanship. Also, we wanted to help Terry Crews find his long-lost daughter.
You care about Black lives?
The people that run Baltimore don’t, I can prove it. Walk with me. They don’t want you to see this.
I’m Kim Klacik. This is Baltimore, the real Baltimore. This is the reality for Black people. Every single day, crumbling infrastructure, abandoned homes, poverty, and crime.
Clad in a MAGA-red dress from the designers at Fashionigga, Klacik click-clacks through the worst part of the Baltimore. It’s obvious that no one lives in this crime-ridden area that Diamond and/or Silk’s favorite niece wants you to believe is overrun with gangsters who suddenly skedaddled when a real boss bish showed up (I’m not insinuating that she’s a gangsta. I’m just saying that she obviously has a connect who can get hair extensions straight off the boat before they reach the inventory of Sally’s Beauty Supply).
Also, who doesn’t “want you to see this?” How did she get in? “They” are doing a very poor job of not wanting us to see this if Matt Gaetz’s adoptive daughter can waltz down the street in broad daylight with a whole-ass camera crew.
Snoop and Chris Partlow would never allow this fuckery in Stanfield territory.
Baltimore’s been run by the Democrat Party for 53 years. What is the result of their decades of leadership?
Baltimore is one of the top five most dangerous cities in America. The murder rate in Baltimore is 10 times the U.S. average. The Baltimore poverty rate is over 20 percent. Homicide drug and alcohol deaths are skyrocketing in our seat.
Do you believe Black lives matter? I do.
The vast majority of crime in Baltimore is perpetrated against Black people who make up 60 percent of the population. So why don’t we care about our communities?
Wait... The Democrats are killing people in B’more and taking jobs? Notice that Bizarro Sarah Palin doesn’t mention how all those Black people got herded into Baltimore’s bad neighborhoods by redlining and Jim Crow. She probably doesn’t know this because facts are part of the liberal agenda.
Isn’t Maryland’s governor a Republican, though? And what was a civic leader like KK-and-Probably-Another-K doing while all this crime-ing was going on? How did she let her hood get this way?
Oh, wait. According to the Baltimore Sun, Blackface Tomi Lauren doesn’t even live in Baltimore.
She probably lives out there with Tommy Carcetti ‘nem.
The Democrat Party has betrayed the Black people of Baltimore at the politicians walk the streets like I do. They would see exactly how their policies and corruption affects that, but they don’t want you to see it.
Go to any Baltimore neighborhood and ask this question: “Do you want to defend the police?”
Black person: No
Other Black person: No
Black man: No, no, absolutely not. I had three sons killed in Baltimore city and I think if we’d be funded the police office for me, worse than that. So no I’m opposed to that.
Another Black person: What are you going to defund the police for? Why? How do you defend your city? Your community families are losing people.
See? She conducted a scientific poll of four-to-five actual Black people. So that settles it.
Of course, KKK didn’t mention all of the corruption in the city’s police department. Maybe she just wants to defund the part of the department that bought toy guns for the cops to plant after they shot an unarmed person. Or maybe she wants to defund the millions of dollars of taxpayer money spent on wrongful convictions and excessive force lawsuits.
Or perhaps this is all a ploy by Omar Little to flip the city’s money in the underground weave market.
It seems to have worked well for Kimmy.
It’s not just Baltimore. The worst place for a Black person to live in America is a Democrat-controlled city. It’s 2020, Name a blue city where Black people’s lives have gotten better. Try. I’ll wait.
How are children supposed to live here and play here?
Democrats think Black people are stupid. They think they can control us forever that we won’t demand better.And that we’ll keep voting for them forever. Despite what they’ve done to our families and our community, are they right?
Nah, Kim thinks Black people are stupid.
She thinks white people vote for Republicans because they are smart and not because they are white. But, apparently, Black people, Latinx people and every other demographic in America aren’t voting for their own interests because they’re too dumb to know that the Republican Party is the best party.
Aside from giving Candace Owens some edge-growing tips, the only thing Kim Klacik could teach anyone is how to step while simultaneously fetching (She did earn her Ph.D. in fine arts from the Trump Graduate School of Shucking and Jiving).
Where is Brother Muzone when you need him?
I’m Kim Klacik and I’m running for Congress because I actually care about Black lives. All Black lives matter. Our communities matter. Baltimore matters and Black people don’t have to vote Democrat.
I’d vote for Clay Davis first.
Paid for by Proposition Joe, Maurice Levy, Yeezy Clothing and the Committee to Elect Shiftless Negroes.