Vontae Davis
Photo: AP Photo

When I was little I never understood why my mom took baths. We had a shower but she always preferred to spend an extra hour drawing a bath and bathing. My two sisters and I always wondered why she would always lock herself in the bathroom.

I recently had a son.

I take baths now.

Not because I like baths, in fact, my skin hates baths. But I like the uninterrupted peace and quiet that a locked bathroom door brings. It’s become a part of my daily routine.

On Sunday, the brutalization of male bodies for white owners’ enjoyment took place and during halftime of the Buffalo Bills and the Los Angeles Chargers game, Bills cornerback Vontae Davis took himself out of the game then retired during halftime, gathered his shit and bounced.

When I was a card-carrying member of the Washington football team’s fan club, I would have called Davis selfish. But, I’m older. I take baths now. And Vontae Davis doesn’t owe anybody a damn thing.

Plus, he was playing in Buffalo. Have you ever been to Buffalo? Buffalo looks like America’s version of Afghanistan. It looks like god vomited in a parking lot. Buffalo is the “up north” version of Florida, minus the beaches.

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Vontae Davis literally looked around, realized he was in Buffalo, reemembered that he’s a fucking millionaire and said: “Fuck this shit, I’m out.”

A lot of people both inside and outside of football felt like linebacker Lorenzo Alexander who was shocked at Davis’ abrupt ending.

“Never have seen it ever,” Alexander said, ESPN reports. “Pop Warner, high school, college, pros. Never heard of it. Never seen it. And it’s just completely disrespectful to his teammates. ... He didn’t say nothing to nobody. ... I found out going into the second half of the game. They said he’s not coming out, he retired. That’s it.”

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First of all, as a general rule, I don’t trust Lorenzos.

Secondly, Davis didn’t have to inform Lorenzo because he doesn’t owe Lorenzo shit. Thirdly, Davis walked off the field and realized something that Lorenzo and others like him haven’t dealt with yet, that he’s risking longterm cognitive function for an admittedly handsome price. And Vontae didn’t completely leave everyone in the lurch, as he was nice enough to issue a statement.

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For the TL;DR crowd, the statement can basically be summed up by the biblical words of Saul, who was initially supposed to fight Goliath, but took one look at the Philistine and said:

“Nah, bruh. I’m good.”

Who amongst us hasn’t wanted to say, “Fuck this job, I quit!” Who amongst us hasn’t wanted to go to lunch and never come back? Who amongst us hasn’t said, “I think I’ve had enough of this bullshit” but went back anyway in the name of bills, kids and mortgages? Who amongst us still uses the word “amongst?”

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We’ve all wanted to tell our bosses to where they can take this job and exactly where they can put it. We’ve all wanted to walk to lunch and just keep walking.

Baths, I realized, don’t just take me away from the stresses of life, they bring life back into focus. They remind me that I have to center myself before making a rash decision. It’s an opportunity to reflect. It’s literally life’s halftime locker room break. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t admire someone who still has the moxie to pull the pin from the grenade and watch it all be blown to bits as he walks away.

Vontae Davis is a hero. And I won’t allow any Vontae Davis slander; not now or ever. He played the game for 10 years and he quit at halftime. The man is a fucking legend and he’s going down in history for the sweetest goodbye in history, next to this woman.

Vontae Davis, may your pockets always be stuffed with coins and may your cognitive function continue to remain sharp, if for no other reason than to serve as an example to us all that winners never quit and a quitters never win ... Unless you play for the Buffalo Bills.

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In which case, you’re probably weren’t going to win anyway.

Peace out, my bath is ready.