Usain Bolt Can Outrun Everything but the Coronavirus

Illustration for article titled Usain Bolt Can Outrun Everything ibut/i the Coronavirus
Photo: Cameron Spencer (Getty Images)

Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt is fast as shit.

However, he isn’t fast enough to outrun a virus that has infected almost 24 million people throughout the globe: COVID-19.

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Days after hosting a flashy birthday bash to celebrate his 34th trip around the sun, ESPN reports that yes, Bolt has been diagnosed with #ThatRona—as confirmed by Jamaica’s health ministry.

On Monday, prior to receiving confirmation on his diagnosis, the world-record holder shared a video on social media urging others to be safe after putting himself in self-imposed quarantine.

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“I’m just waking up, and like everybody else, I checked social media, [which] is saying I am confirmed to have COVID-19,” Bolt said. “I am trying to be responsible, so I am going to stay in and stay here for my friends.”

If you’re wondering how Bolt might’ve contracted the virus, wellllllllllll, I ain’t one to gossip, but I don’t think it’s exactly a coincidence that after throwing his massive birthday bash on Friday—which featured just about everything but masks and social distancing—he tested positive for COVID-19.

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It’s also important to note that police are now investigating that same birthday party because of all types of violations that may or may not land somebody in jail.

From Miami Herald:

Jamaica Prime Minister Andrew Holness said Bolt will receive no special treatment and police are investigating reports that the world-record holder had flouted rules when he celebrated his 34th birthday at a Kingston sports complex on Friday. Several revelers shared images on social media of Bolt and others not wearing masks while dancing on an outdoor court to Koffee, a young Jamaican reggae artist. There were also reports that some of the well-known figures who flew in to celebrate Bolt’s birthday did not abide by Jamaica’s rule requiring them to self-isolate for 14 days upon arrival.

“No one is going to be treated with any exemption or given any special treatment,” Holness said. “All Jamaicans have a duty, and of course, those who have the public ear and influence in the public spheres have an greater duty.”

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Happy birthday, I guess.

Oh, and this happened because Black folks can’t stop looking so much alike:

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Wishing Bolt a speedy recovery, but please be careful out here, y’all. This pandemic is still very much a thing.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for ya'll to stop putting sugar in grits.

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DISCUSSION

ofaycanyouseeme
ofaycanyouseeme

That’s next-level racist. Kevin Hart is like 2 feet tall and can’t outrun a toddler.

Also, Usain Bolt better get that good shit, the secret rich people medical care, because he’s a person of actual value. Louie Gohmert and whoever can kick rocks and use prayer for their health care.