Like we always do at this time (Kanye voice), we back, y’all! More importantly, I'm back, y'all, with two co-workers who are here because of a court order. I know that y'all don't care, but they are the Podcast Pips, aka Patti LaDanielle Young (her real name is Danielle Young, and she makes that clear on this episode because she hates fun), and Yesha "I Like Meat" Callahan.
Why am I feeling myself, you ask? Because the man who had a hand in bringing our lord and savior Beyoncé (© Michael Arceneaux) onto the earth spoke with us. And he anointed me the star of our group (he didn't do this). He said that I'm clearly the breakout star (he never said this) and that I would be smart to ditch these two and break out into my only solo career. I can see it now: Steyoncé’s Podcast. I could do an HBO special and a secret podcast episode called “Suga Water” that would be released in the early-morning hours exclusively on some music service that no one has.
Unfortunately, I live with my mom. Or do I? Mama Crockett gets on the podcast to clear that up and also to talk smack about my father because, of course, she did. Also, Danielle "Please Don't Call Me LaDanielle" Young does her impression of my mother, for my mother, and it was awesome.
Because I was anointed Steyoncé (no one anointed me this), I spent most of the episode speaking over Yesha and Danielle "That Ain't Your Money!" Young. They hated it and tried to tell me so, but I wasn't listening because I was daydreaming about my solo career.
We discuss the news, which means we discussed Nate Parker's rape allegations and whether we'll be going to see The Birth of a Nation. We try to figure out why Leslie Jones' success keeps making trolls mad and why you should never put anything on the iCloud.
Finally, it’s the interview y'all have been waiting for, the one where Mathew Knowles, aka Beyoncé and Solange's daddy, talks about everything from teaching at an HBCU to racism in this country. He waxes on what drew him to his new girl group, Blushhh Music, and anoints us with an R&B name.
Stephen A. Crockett Jr. is a senior editor at The Root. Follow him on Twitter.