Did you miss me?
That's right—the granddaddy of them all, your favorite light-skin's favorite light-skin, is back, and I don't have long to be here because surely Patti LaDanielle, aka Mrs. Idris Elba, aka Danielle Young, is going to find another way to try to cancel me out with her Diana Ross-Beyoncé antics.
Have you even been listening to the show? Did you even know I was gone?
Surely, Ms. LaDanielle preferred it this way, but guess what, America? Like baker's yeast, still I rise! Is it my mission in life to drive Ms. Patti Patti nuts? Of course not! But if my mere awesomeness has that side effect on her, then how can I stop it? I'm going to take a few questions from my fans before we get into this episode.
Fan: Hey, Hercules! So glad you're back, since the show wasn't the same without you. I was wondering if there was any chance that you would get rid of dead weight and move into prime time and really stop holding yourself back from your obvious stardom.
Me: Dearest fan, from your mouth to God's ears; and remember, I'm just the vessel.
Now, where were we? Oh, yes, this week's episode: Kim Burrell won't stop Burrelling herself all over the place. In case you missed it, she bashed homosexuality during a recent sermon. We discuss how hurtful and offensive her comments were.
We also touch on homophobia in the black church and how intimate moments taken out of context can have a damaging effect. Somehow, Danielle found a way to circle back to Idris Elba because all roads in life for Ms. Patti Patti lead to Elba-ville, and his new documentary about his foray into kickboxing. I hate this guy, seriously.
And last but not least, we discuss the Hotep Hoedown between Umar Johnson, General Seti and The Root.
I missed you all, minus Patti LaDanielle. Just kidding; I love (read: hate) her, too.
Stephen A. Crockett Jr. is a senior editor at The Root. Follow him on Twitter.