Twitter Sets Former NFL Star Brian Urlacher Straight After He Comes for Jacob Blake

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Photo: Abbie Parr (Getty Images)

Social media is a graveyard for common sense.

It’s also a cesspool of bigotry, fallacies and white supremacist rhetoric that endangers the lives of those we hold dear.


In a past life, NFL Hall of Famer Brian Urlacher—which is Wakandan for “this man is about to get dragged”—was a force of nature; a six-foot, six-inch brute who spent his entire 13-year career terrorizing quarterbacks and offensive coordinators as a member of the Chicago Bears.

But in 2020 A.T. (After Trump), instead of shutting the fuck up and minding his business, Urlacher feels as though its his civil duty to post shit like this on Instagram:

“Brett Favre played the [Monday Night Football] game the day his dad died, threw 4 TDs in the first half, and was a legend for playing in the face of adversity,” he posted. “NBA Players boycott the playoffs because a dude reaching for a knife, wanted on a felony sexual assault warrant, was shot by police.”

Remember what I said about bigotry, fallacies and white supremacist rhetoric that endanger the lives of those we hold dear? Urlacher somehow checked all three boxes in approximately 50 words.

So as a reward for being willfully ignorant and painfully obtuse, Twitter was kind enough to tear him a brand spanking new asshole.


Even Urlacher’s former teammate, Matt Forte, came for him.

“The comment @BUrlacher54 posted is void of empathy, compassion, wisdom and coherence,” he tweeted. “But full of pride and ignorance!”


I try to extend grace to retired players who are likely suffering from CTE, but then I remember that people like Urlacher are judges, teachers, underwriters and police officers and I’m much more inclined to tell him to [REDACTED SO THAT I CAN KEEP MY JOB].


The 42-year-old’s former team was so disgusted by his unsolicited opinion that they issued the following statement on Thursday night. “The social media posts in no way reflect the values or opinions of the Chicago Bears organization.”

Last time I checked, non-compliance wasn’t punishable by death by the criminal justice system—unless, of course, you’re Black; though I’m sure Urlacher is likely too preoccupied with inspiring the next Kyle Rittenhouse to care or notice.


The Thugnificent Pangaean


SHAZAM *deader than a motherfucker*