Tucker Carlson Has a Crush on Barack Obama

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Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Tucker Carlson, former President Trump’s favorite Bass boat shoe, is in love with former President Barack Obama.

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That can be the only explanation for his obvious obsession with a president who hasn’t been in office in years and who spends his time living his best life with his beautiful wife, Michelle. The couple stays booked and busy, and I don’t know another way to say this, but they don’t get down like that.

Carlson may want to get off Obama’s line and go back to fishing in the putrid pond in which he swims.

On Tuesday, the Fox News—aka Republican SpankBang—host accused Obama of being a...wait for it…“racial arsonist.” I know, I know. This is reaching Piers Morgan/Meghan Markle level obsession.

What got Carlson all hot and bothered? Just the former president condemning the mass shootings in a Boulder, Colo., supermarket in which 10 people were gunned down and the recent attacks on Atlanta-area massage parlors.

In a statement shared on Twitter, Obama noted that “we should be able to live our lives without wondering if the next trip outside our home could be our last. We should. But in America, we can’t.

“It is long past time for those with the power to fight this epidemic of gun violence to do so,” he continued, adding: “It will take time to root out the disaffection, racism and misogyny that fuels so many of these senseless acts of violence. But we can make it harder for those with hate in their hearts to buy weapons of war.”

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Carlson, who continues to stoke the flames of racism every day since being hired at Republican OnlyFans, got his panties in a bunch and somehow found a way to spend time on his show to send subliminal love messages to Obama.

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Carlson didn’t like Obama’s call to root out racism and for Congress to enact stricter gun laws. So Republican America’s favorite butt plug claimed that “more than any other contemporary American leader, Barack Obama is a racial arsonist.

“He emerges at our most vulnerable moments to deepen the wounds that divide us. He sows hate,” railed Carlson, who often defended ex-President Donald Trump’s racist, hateful and divisive comments.

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“Why does Barack Obama do this?” asked Carlson. “Well, it would take a psychiatrist to answer that question fully, though it seems obvious that deep loathing of some kind plays a role. It must play a role.”

A spokesperson for Obama, who I didn’t contact and am totally making up, noted that the former president is very happy in his relationship and suggested that Carlson adhere to the restraining order and stop standing outside his window with a boombox playing select songs from Kenny G’s catalog.

DISCUSSION

By
Murry Chang

I’m no psychologist but maybe people shooting other people is bad and we should possibly think about limiting the devices that people use to shoot each other?