Trump Wants Marshawn Lynch Suspended and LaVar Ball’s Middle Child Thrown in Jail Because He’s Messy

Molly Riley-Pool/Getty Images
Molly Riley-Pool/Getty Images

President Ludwig von FuckFace will not stop wading in the petty pool. In fact, if we wanted a messy president who lives for drama, then the right person is in office.


Over the weekend, President ShitBag von LittleFingers got all butt-hurt after LaVar Ball refused to acknowledge the president’s role in assisting in the release of his son LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA players from a Chinese jail after the teen hoopers reportedly went on a shoplifting spree.

In fact, when asked about the president, Father Ball replied “Who?” So of course President Nunu von ConJob took to Twitter to tweet that he should have left the kids in jail.


On Monday, after learning that a black man, Marshawn Lynch of the Oakland Raiders, exercised his freedom to choose when to stand and sit, President LooseStool von SoftSack tweeted that the black man should be suspended from playing in the NFL for the rest of the season, according to ESPN, because he didn’t stand for the precious national anthem with that second slave verse.


That’s right—the president has yet to speak about Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore’s alleged child molestation, but he’s real stiff on who stands and who sits in the NFL. It’s perplexing, this time we live in. We currently have a president who is willing to engage in Twitter beef with a parent of a teen reportedly caught stealing, and with a running back who loves the Mexican anthem more than the second-slave-verse-having American one.


But this is the man whom 53 percent of American white women wanted in office, so thank you, 53 percent of American white women. thank you.


Read more at ESPN.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


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