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Trump Thinks Everyone's 'Out to Get Him,' and Called Jeff Sessions 'Mentally Retarded', New Book Claims

Illustration for article titled Trump Thinks Everyones Out to Get Him, and Called Jeff Sessions Mentally Retarded, New Book Claims
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

President Trump has proven himself to be a man that desperately wants to control the narrative about his life. He’s so obsessed with himself that he once posed as his own publicist to feed positive stories about his life to news outlets.


Fear, a new book by Bob Woodard—one half of the duo that brought down President Richard Nixon—claims that Trump is not only struggling to control the stories about him, but he now believes that everyone is out to get him. Oh, he also believes that Attorney General Jeff Sessions “a traitor,” and is “mentally retarded,” CNBC reports.

The 448-page book also claims that the president phoned Defense Secretary James Mattis to say “Let’s fucking kill him” after learning that “Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad launched a chemical attack on civilians,” according to the book. It’s unclear whether the president wanted to kill Bashar al-Assad and his crew or regular Syrian civilians. I know that this would normally seem like a foregone conclusion, but with this president’s ignorance on world issues and his affinity for strongarm dictators, you never know.


CNBC notes that Mattis became “particularly exasperated and alarmed” in explaining to Trump why there is a U.S. military presence on the Korean peninsula.

“We’re doing this in order to prevent World War III,” Mattis reportedly told the president. Mattis also reportedly claimed that Trump “acted likeand had the understanding of‘a fifth- or sixth-grader,’” which I totally don’t believe ever happened, because most experts say Trump acts more like a rather bright kindergartner who can tie his shoes but occasionally eats paste. And that’s being generous.

And if you hadn’t been following the news, Trump hates Jeff Sessions. If the White House were The Office, Trump is Michael Scott and Sessions is Toby.

“He’s this dumb Southerner,” Trump reportedly said of Sessions whom he’s hated since Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation. “He couldn’t even be a one-person country lawyer down in Alabama.”


OK, that’s funny.

Woodward’s book also claims that during a practice interview with lawyer John Dowd, who was doing his best Robert Mueller impersonation, Trump reportedly broke into a fit of rage, claiming: “This thing’s a goddamn hoax. I don’t really want to testify.”


And, the book reveals that White House Chief of Staff John Kelly is proving himself to be the hero of the Trump administration after reportedly calling Trump “unhinged” and an “idiot.

“He’s an idiot. It’s pointless to try to convince him of anything. He’s gone off the rails,” Kelly was quoted in the book as saying, CNBC says.


He added, “We’re in Crazytown. I don’t even know why any of us are here. This is the worst job I’ve ever had.”

Trump also reportedly called his “both sides” claim after white supremacist rally last year in Charlottesville, Va., his biggest mistake.


“That was the biggest fucking mistake I’ve made,” CNBC reports.

The White House did not respond to CNBC’s request for comment, probably because it was nap time after the president ate a hearty lunch of Elmer’s Glue and washed it down with a Capri Sun.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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Wait, who this slow-ass muhfucka calling “retarded?”

“He’s this dumb Southerner,” Trump reportedly said of Sessions whom he’s hated since he recused himself from the Russia investigation. “He couldn’t even be a one-person country lawyer down in Alabama.”

I mean, I hate Ku Klux Kleeber’s guts, but the guy was a U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of Alabama. Again, what is Trump’s no-talent-having ass talking about? His dumb ass bankrupted a casino.

Look, Trump is the one person who doesn’t get to call other people in his administration dumb. He doesn’t get to do that with any legitimacy.