Trump Thinks Biden Is Going to Punch the Bible and Drop Kick God if Elected President

Joe Biden is given a rosary while meeting with patrons, alongside Hilda Solis (L), Former United States Secretary of Labor and a member of the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors in Los Angeles, Calif. on July 19, 2019.
Joe Biden is given a rosary while meeting with patrons, alongside Hilda Solis (L), Former United States Secretary of Labor and a member of the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors in Los Angeles, Calif. on July 19, 2019.
Photo: FREDERIC J. BROWN (Getty Images)

President Trump believes that if Joe Biden is elected president, his first days in office would include Biden placing the Bible on the floor of the White House bedroom and the 77-year-old diving off the bed to deliver a big elbow to the helpless Bible. The president of people who’ve thrown out all their watches because he’s banned Tik Tok also believes that Biden is going to get into an argument with God that includes Obama’s former No. 2 sucker-punching God in the face.

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Or at least that’s how Trump’s been trying to spin it.

The president of people who love the Bible yet openly and actively hate people who don’t look like them or love like them told a crowd that Biden wants to “Take away your guns, take away your Second Amendment. No religion, no anything. Hurt the Bible. Hurt God. He’s against God. He’s against guns. He’s against energy, our kind of energy.” The Washington Post reports.

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And what energy would that be? Orange-painted-skin energy? Also known as Oompa Loompa energy?

The Post notes that Biden was America’s first Catholic vice president and if elected president he will be “the first Catholic president in more than a half-century.”

Sources told the Post that Biden is rarely without his rosary beads and was even seen holding them during the Osama Bin Laden raid in 2011. Biden speaks often about how his faith has helped shape him into the man he is today and it’s helped him grieve the loss of his first wife, daughter and son Beau.

Biden called Trump’s attack “shameful,” saying that his faith is the “bedrock foundation of my life.”

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“President Trump’s decision today to profane God and to smear my faith in a political attack,” Biden said, “is a stark reminder of what the stakes of this fight truly are,” the Post reports.

As it stands, Trump still can’t quote a Bible verse—or even tell you what verse is his favorite. Let the congregation not forget that it was Trump who had hundreds of peaceful protesters tear-gassed so that he could pose in front of a boarded-up church with a Bible that he was quick to note wasn’t his Bible. Most importantly, these were the images of Trump holding the Bible which proves he’s never held or read a book in his life if this is how he handles it.

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Illustration for article titled Trump Thinks Biden Is Going to Punch the Bible and Drop Kick God if Elected President
Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI (Getty Images)
Illustration for article titled Trump Thinks Biden Is Going to Punch the Bible and Drop Kick God if Elected President
Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/ (Getty Images)
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But, yes, tell me more about Biden and how he’s going to take on God in a no-holds-barred cage match, you soulless ghoul.


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Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

One of the things I’m enjoying about this latest bit of lunacy from Grandpa Ranty is that he’s really exposing how he thinks white Evangelicals are gullible idiots who can be manipulated. “If I tell them the 77-year-old lifelong Catholic who was denied communion just last year hates the Bible and will hurt God that means they will vote for me.”

I’ve always said all you need to know about Evangelicals is that they worship Trump and hate Jimmy Carter, who was our actually Evangelical president.