Trump Stopped a Top Secret Intelligence Briefing to Order a Milkshake

Illustration for article titled Trump Stopped a Top Secret Intelligence Briefing to Order a Milkshake
Photo: MANDEL NGAN (Getty Images)

Maybe the president of people who know what the hell malts are was just trying to bring the Proud Boys to the yard when he halted a highly classified briefing about Afghanistan to invite a waiter into the proceedings to order a milkshake.


According to Politico, shortly after the president of people who make boxed mac-and-cheese took office in 2017, he stopped senior defense and intelligence officials to ask the important and world-saving question: “Does anyone want a malt?”

This might’ve been because the president of people who profit from his presidency was having this meeting at his New Jersey golf club. While senior officials were looking at each other like, “is this motherfucker serious?” Trump explained “We have the best malts, you have to try them,” before inviting a waiter into the code-word-secure briefing room because he’s a seven-year-old with codes to nuclear weapons.

This wasn’t just a normal briefing, as the head of the CIA’s Special Activities Center, “a little known unit” that is “responsible for operations that include clandestine or covert operations with which the U.S. government does not want to be overtly associated,” Spec Ops Magazine explains, was in attendance.

Politico notes that the “The malt episode...became legendary inside the CIA, said three former officials,” as “it was seen as an early harbinger of Trump’s disinterest in intelligence, which would later be borne out by the new president’s notorious resistance to reading his classified daily briefing.” This is why big pictures were added to the president’s briefings because the president is literally a fucking child.

But does anyone find any of this shocking as this is the same man who had a button installed that he could press so the White House butler could bring his untanned ass a Diet Coke? Basically, the country is being run by a less intelligent Ricky Stratton.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


I’m whiter than vanilla ice cream and even I’m like “wtf is a malt? Is that like a spuckie or a tonic or a phosphate or any of a bunch of other words for food items that nobody’s used since my mom was still in diapers?”