President Trump fucked up.
During a press conference last week, the president of people who are now considering adding a little bleach to their smoothies was freestyling and going off-script, as he’s been known to do. Trump was standing at the lectern when he began wondering aloud about the potential of moving both light and disinfectant inside the body.
So he turned to Dr. Deborah Birx, the White House coronavirus response coordinator and asked:
“So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous—whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light,” the president said, BBC reports. “I think you said that hasn’t been checked but you’re going to test it.
“And then I said, ‘supposing you brought the light inside of the body,’ which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. And I think you said you’re going to test that too. Sounds interesting,” the president continued.
“And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?
“So it’d be interesting to check that.”
Then Trump pointed to his head and said: “I’m not a doctor. But I’m, like, a person that has a good you-know-what.”
This may have been the beginning of the end for the Trump press conference, and the blowback from disinfectant-gate supposedly has put the president into a funk that led to another one of his pouting rage-tweet episodes that only helped to bury him even more.
Twitter was ablaze at the stupidity of the president’s suggestion that someone should consider ingesting or mainlining disinfectant. It was so bad that doctors felt the need to warn against this. It was so bad that Lysol’s parent company had to come out against it. It was so bad that the president’s only defense was to claim that he was joking with reporters, which the president never does and would never do because the president hates reporters.
It was bad. Really bad. So bad that calls to poison control centers across the country increased.
In fact, at the president’s coronavirus press conference on Friday, he simply gave the status of things to date and then left without taking any questions. Now, everyone knows that like a SoundCloud rapper trying to get discovered, the president can’t leave a microphone and an audience without spitting a freestyle. He held no press conferences over the weekend, which had become standard for the president during the pandemic.
The president was so sad that the early morning tweeter didn’t send out his first Sunday tweet until noon, in which he tweeted, “Happy Birthday to Melania, our great First Lady!” at 12:06 p.m., the Washington Post reports. This was his only way of communicating with the first lady, who is sheltering in place at her boyfriend’s house and doesn’t have her phone on.
The president hit his usual form around 2 p.m. Sunday when he began tweeting and retweeting all kinds of goofy shit. He was even more annoyed that a New York Times piece called him a shitty president who was bored by sitting in the White House all the time.
Basically, the president watches TV all day and is just a big grumpy baby throwing himself around because he’s not been able to play golf or sneak Russian prostitutes into the kitchen entrance.
Trump then tweeted that he’s “the hardest working President in history” because nothing says “I’m working hard” like tweeting about how hard you’re working.
Trump wasn’t done. He also noted he is “a hard worker and have probably gotten more done in the first 3 1/2 years than any President in history,” adding, “The Fake News hates it!”
For proof of his hard work, Trump tweeted: “I work from early in the morning until late at night.” He added, “haven’t left the White House in many months (except to launch Hospital Ship Comfort) in order to take care of Trade Deals, Military Rebuilding etc.”
From the Post:
Over the next seven hours or so, Trump took aim at everything and anyone he could, unleashing a barrage of more than two dozen tweets and retweets that targeted media outlets, high-profile commentators and hosts, and Democrats.
He also returned once more to the Russia probe and impeachment, promoting a tweet that accused his political adversaries of “three failed coup attempts.” The tweet went on to suggest with no evidence that the president’s opponents could “attempt to steal the election” by making the novel coronavirus’s impact on human lives seem worse than it really is.
At one point, the president said reporters who covered him should return their “Noble Prizes,” appearing to confuse the Nobel Prizes with the Pulitzer Prizes for journalism. Rather than correct himself, Trump deleted the “Noble” tweets, but then said he meant to use the word “Noble,” as a form of “sarcasm.” Trump went on to retweet commentary ridiculing his Democratic challenger Joe Biden for his syntax.
The notable uptick in Twitter activity came on the second consecutive day that Trump had not participated in a daily White House coronavirus briefing, events meant to inform the public that have instead been hijacked by the president and transformed into de facto political rallies, as The Washington Post’s Philip Bump and Ashley Parker reported.
So we may have lost the presidential press rallies disguised as conferences, which isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a great thing. Also, what is the point of having a press person who doesn’t speak to the press? White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany is just a Juicy Couture sweatpants, bedroom slippers and pumpkin spice-flavored smoothie. It’s all a show and no one wants to see it anymore, and the president is having trouble coming back from a bad week, which may prove to be better for America.