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Trump Is Totally Going to Pardon Mr. Whitefolks, Roger Stone

Illustration for article titled Trump Is Totally Going to Pardon Mr. Whitefolks, Roger Stone
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

Roger Stone, the pimp-dressing white man who was voted most likely to rock a monocle, is going to get pardoned before he’s scheduled to report to prison next week and Trump, being the reality TV show man that he is, is just building up suspense for what we all know is going to happen.

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On Friday, Trump was asked about possibly pardoning Mr. Whitefolks, his pimp-dressing friend who was convicted of lying to Congress and witness tampering, to which Mr. WhiteNationalistFolks replied, “Well, I’ll be looking at it,” Trump said. “I think Roger Stone was very unfairly treated, as were many people,” the Washington Post reports.

By “unfairly treated,” Trump means that StoneColdPimpinOnTheseHoes should have been given a pass because he’s Trump’s friend. Trump claimed during a radio interview that StoneColdMonocleOnTheirAss has been “praying” for a pardon.

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“If you say he’s praying, his prayer may be answered,” Trump said. “Let’s see what happens.”

Trump told Fox News on Thursday that he’s “always thinking” when asked if he was thinking about a pardon or commutation.

“You’ll be watching like everyone else in this case,” Trump added.

Bitch, stop building the hype as everyone knows that Stone is going to get pardoned. Stone lied to protect the president and the president rewards that level of loyalty and increases his level of petty to the maximum when he feels betrayed.

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From the Post:

Stone, 67, was sentenced to three years and four months in prison for making false statements about his attempts to get details from Hillary Clinton’s private emails from the anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks, then intimidating a friend who could contradict his story.

He has been ordered to report to prison by Tuesday. Because of the coronavirus pandemic. U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson had given Stone a two-week delay to quarantine before traveling from South Florida to the prison in Jessup, Ga. But she denied the two-month reprieve that Stone had requested with prosecutors’ assent.

With the date for Stone to report looming, speculation has ratcheted up about a Trump pardon and the potential political impact for him of doing so ahead of the November election. Asked about Trump’s intentions earlier Friday, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway said she would not get ahead of her boss.

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So now we wait until the president makes it official, but raise your hand if you don’t believe he’s going to pardon the whitest pimp to ever do it.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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