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Trump’s Sleazeball Former Lawyer Michael Cohen Is Going Back Home, and by Home, I Mean Prison

Illustration for article titled Trump’s Sleazeball Former Lawyer Michael Cohen Is Going Back Home, and by Home, I Mean Prison
Photo: TIMOTHY A. CLARY (Getty Images)

When Black folks talk about the power of whiteness, what they are referring to are folks like Michael Cohen. Cohen used to be President Trump’s personal fixer and when that didn’t work for him anymore, he ratted the president out. In 2018, Cohen was given three years in prison for campaign finance violations, tax evasion and some other charges, but it didn’t matter. After serving only a year of his sentence, Cohen was released early because his precious white lungs couldn’t dare handle the sickness that comes with COVID-19. Even without the president’s help, Cohen was still able to secure home confinement.


Well, all of that ended Thursday as Cohen was taken back into custody for being a dumbass and violating his early release from prison after he was spotted in New York City eating out during a fucking pandemic.


ABC News notes that “Cohen admitted to violating campaign finance laws over payments made to women who alleged having affairs with Trump years before his 2016 presidential campaign, and he admitted lying to Congress while under oath about a Moscow real estate project Trump and his company pursued while Trump was trying to secure the Republican nomination for president.”

And now this dumbass sleazeball is back in prison probably trying to remember what he ate that night and whether any of it was worth his freedom.

This story is breaking. Please check back for updates.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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Now send Manafort back.

I never get tired of RWNJ self pwnage.