Trump’s Defense Lawyers Pick Up Where They Left Off, and By ‘Pick Up’ I Mean They Just Continue Lying

Illustration for article titled Trump’s Defense Lawyers Pick Up Where They Left Off, and By ‘Pick Up’ I Mean They Just Continue Lying
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

On Monday, President Trump’s loose group of arthritic knees and questionable morals banded together to expand on their brief opening statements from Saturday to make their case as to why the president of the United States isn’t the real Joanne the Scammer.

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A live look at President Trump promising that his team isn’t going to cheat:

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The plan is for Trump’s fufu team of lawyers to go in-depth as to how Trump is a shining example of “not doing anything wrong.”

NBC News notes that we can expect Trump’s defense lawyers to raise questions about former Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter’s activities with Ukraine.

And all of this will be done on the heels of mega thot, former National Security Adviser John Bolton’s book leak, which claims that Trump did, in fact, uphold nearly $400 million in congressionally approved aid to Ukraine in exchange for an investigation into the Bidens.

Expect Trump defense lawyer Kenneth Starr (who may or may not be related to Busta Rhymes’ hype man Spliff Starr; I don’t feel like checking Google), to bring up President Bill Clinton, whom he successfully got impeached but didn’t quite get him booted out of office. Seriously, if you were Ken Starr wouldn’t you bring it up? Doesn’t matter if the whole thing wasn’t successful; tell me another time you’ve heard Ken Starr’s name mentioned when it wasn’t about Clinton’s impeachment? I wouldn’t blame him for including it in his Twitter bio. You can expect the rest of Trump’s band of bonobos to continue to berate House managers and key witnesses in the House’s inquiry “and attack the impeachment proceedings themselves, arguing a lack of due process and accusing House managers of trying to interfere in this year’s election.

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So what can we expect?

No matter what Trump’s defense team presents, all eyes are on leaks around Bolton’s book. The president has already rage-tweeted about the whole thing. What’s most important about Bolton (or should we call him Johnmorosa?) is that his stunt queen attempt to make some bread might actually push Republicans toward letting witnesses testify. Fine, that might be a bridge too far, but, they may want to hear from Bolton himself.

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What else?

Once Ken Starr is done patting himself on his own back, Jeffrey Epstein’s frequent slumber party guest, Alan Dershowitz, will make his play, and by play I mean he will try and make this entire case about the Bidens.

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Will Trump be live-tweeting the impeachment?

Maybe. But, he is also supposed to be meeting with “Benjamin Netanyahu and his political rival Benny Gantz (separately!) today, with his Middle East peace plan on the agenda,” NBC News notes.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

jd02121
Nunna Yorz - You're NOT my ally just because you hate Trump

I listened to Ken Starr for about 10 minutes and then stopped before I started throwing things at the tv. His whole argument seemed to be that the Constitution specifies what’s impeachable, and based on no attempts whatsoever to refute the evidence, Trump has committed no crimes so he can’t be impeached. And nobody’s laughing him out of the chamber.

This is going to sound naive, but sometimes it still blows my mind how far you can go in this world on nothing but bullshit.