Trump’s Clearly Watching Sons of Anarchy Reruns Again, Channels Jax Teller With New Hair Style

Screenshot: YouTube, Photo: Jacquelyn Martin (AP Photos)

President Donald J. Trump, who tells everyone that his middle initial stands for Jax (which is totally a lie unless he’s shortening “jackass” to just “jax”), channeled his inner Sons of Anarchy during a memorial service for Virginia Beach shooting victims at McLean Bible Church, in Vienna, Va.

It was Trump’s eighth time in a church since birth. It would have been his ninth but the late Arizona Sen. John McCain requested that the president not attend his funeral. Trump didn’t just show up with a slick-backed coif, he was also wearing some really wide legged tan golf pants and golf shoes because this asshole loves golf so much that he couldn’t change his fucking outfit to come to a memorial honoring the slain victims of a mass shooting looking presidential.

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Some claimed that the new look was just hat hair but that’s bullshit considering how this hairdo was styled to the gawds.

“I’m sure they might say he took off his hat and it just looked like that,” Dhiran Mistry, a hairstylist at New York’s David Mallet Salon, told the Daily Beast. “But [to get that style] you have to put your hair back first and then put your hat on, so he knew what it was going to look like.”

“He’s trying to be cool, but he will never be cool,” he said. “It’s sort of like American Psycho slicked-back, and he’s definitely an American psycho.”

Indeed.

But Patrick Kelly Kyle, a freelance editorial stylist based in New York, told the Daily Beast that the look wasn’t that bad.

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“I think he looks so much more approachable with his hair like that,” Kyle said. “Much more casual.”

Trump clearly was using South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham’s Netflix password (his own password has been age-restricted) to watch reruns of arguably the greatest white motorcycle television show to hit the small screen and now believes himself to be a golfing version of bike gang leader Jax Teller. No word on how long it’s going to take White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders to get out the order for the League of American Nationalists leather vests for Trump and Vice President Mike Pence to wear around the Oval Office.

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No, Lindsey Graham doesn’t get a vest.

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.