Illustration for article titled Trump Itchy to Reopen America Because His Businesses Are Suffering
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

Since taking office, Trump has judged his success as president on the stock market. Before the coronavirus, Trump often pointed to Obama’s accomplishments in improving the economy as his own. He took credit for it all.

Then coronavirus hit and the stock market got sick and all of the numbers Trump loves to point to as proof of his effectiveness as a leader began tanking, hard.

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The numbers dropped and the world shut down and Trump can’t stand it. With damn near everyone working from home and businesses facing possible shutdown, Trump is willing to ignore health officials’ recommendations of keeping America at a junior high school dance-distance in favor of opening America because, well, Trump’s businesses are suffering.

“I’m not looking at months,” Trump said of the duration of social distancing guidelines, USA Today reports. “We will be back in business as a country pretty soon.”

From USA Today:

Trump’s suggestion comes as others are taking their most strict measures yet. On Monday, four U.S. states announced more rigid orders for residents and businesses, an International Olympic Committee member revealed this year’s games would be postponed and U.S. deaths approached 600, according to the Johns Hopkins University data dashboard.

The federal government, Trump said, will use data “to recommend new protocols” to allow local economies to “cautiously resume their activity at the appropriate time.”

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Trump is probably taking his cues from Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who is willing to sacrifice grandmas to make the economy great again.

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Pro-lifers are all for killing off grandmas just not unborn grandmas.

Trump’s new remarks were a departure from previous statements in which he’d noted that coronavirus guidelines could be in place throughout the summer but that was probably before he learned of the health of his businesses.

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Trump appeared to signal that places that weren’t as hard hit by the virus could be placed under less strict guidelines because Trump doesn’t give a shit about Main Street unless there is a Trump property on Main Street; then he really cares.

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Oh and get this: the CDC is still warning that the worst is yet to come and that gatherings shouldn’t be a thing. But why would Trump give a shit about public safety when he’s a failed businessman who doesn’t know the first thing about caring about anyone besides himself?

Look at this shit: “At the same time, Trump admitted the outbreak will only get worse in the U.S. Trump said he agreed with his surgeon general’s prediction that the number of coronavirus cases would jump,” USA Today notes.

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“This is going to be bad,” Trump said. “We’re trying to make it so it’s much, much less bad.”

*Trump added: “And if we lose a few grandmothers then so be it. I mean what are a few grandmothers to healthy stock prices!”

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*OK, fine he didn’t say it but tell me it wasn’t implied? The only silver lining here is that Trump is a liar so maybe the idea of opening the country back up is a lie. At this point we have to believe in something, right?

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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