Photo: Rick Loomis (Getty Images)

I think it was the next governor of Florida (please, Black Jesus,) who said that a “hit dog will holler.” And if President Trump’s twitter account is anything, it’s an ongoing log that proves he and his administration should be on late night ASPCA commercials.

In the president’s latest series of rage tweets, he did the thing that children on punishment do when they don’t understand why their sister gets ice cream and they don’t because she is the one who started it! Fine, maybe I’m personalizing here but I always got punished when I was only reacting to what one of my sisters did!

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I digress.

Trump started out his tweet-vomit by claiming that, despite all of the stories that the White House is literally on fire, everything is fine and that the White House is the envy of the world.

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Many Twitter users pointed out that the president had misspelled “laughingstock.” He also sounds exactly how I would sound when my mother would ask about my grades in college. I would tell her that things were going very smoothly but my professors were trying to make me look bad by actually grading my papers.

And because the president was on a roll, he continued his rant, claiming once again, that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian collusion during the 2016 presidential election is a “total mess” and a “disgrace to our nation.”

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Oh, and he added...

Here’s a tip: If the police stop you and ask if you have drugs in the car, don’t start yelling: “THERE’S NO COCAINE IN MY TRUNK NOR IS THERE A BLUNT IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT!”

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But he wasn’t done there. He even noted that in the future, instead of historians debating the level of hell the president drove the nation into, they will instead argue over how badly he was treated as president.

Finally, he rounded out his tweet-talk with a song that he’s sung before—you know the one that goes, “Why aren’t you looking at the Democrats and that crazy server filled with Russian rats!”

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Every criminal and ice-cream deficient kid has used the tactic of whataboutism, even though no mom in the history of mom-ing has ever said, “You know what? That’s a good point. Since your sister is as bad as you are, I think you deserve ice cream too.” Nor has any FBI agent ever said: “Well, since you brought it up, I’ll stop investigating your attempt at subverting democracy and check for the emails again.”

All of this indicates that Mueller is getting close and well, Mueller better hurry up as Congress isn’t trying to protect him and all signs are looking like the president is gearing up to shut him down.

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Hopefully, our toddler president will get his ice cream just desserts.